I question whether it’s a good idea to bring my spouse, who's in memory care, home for weekend visits. Any suggestions?

My Daddy was is MC and told me the samething. He was 6'2" me 5'7" and I know I could not force him to do anything however he respected what the doctor would say. So, I told him that the doctor has not signed a release for you to go home so you need to stay here until he does. Once he signs that release then I will take you home.
That worked. I had to say that everyday because of his ALZ but he would accept that and we could go on with the day or until he said it again and I would repeat myself.

Nope, not a good idea for any reason, least of all the fact that he’s already a management problem.

It’s not AT ALL uncommon for newly placed residents to protest their new living situations, but I find it very unusual for the staff to encourage off site visits for any reason, least of all weekends.

One of the few regrets I ever had when I was caring for my mother was a day when I drove past her old home, not even stopping the car. She obviously assumed that she’d be returning, and although I fortunately had no problems getting her back into my house, I always felt that I’d done something unfair by even allowing her to think what she was obviously thinking.

If you need to, I’d suggest, IF he asks, having a couple reasons why you’d have to delay his visit home.

”The doctor says you need to be here until your vaccinations are all completed”.
”This is the weekend the neighbors are having their driveway re-paved and the noise would be terrible”.
“I’m having the rug shampooed- let’s wait for another week”. Etc.

YES, speak to the building manager and non defensively indicate that you are not able to entertain the idea of any visits home.

My LO did MUCH better following a psychiatric consult and mild doses of medication. Just as alert and snappy as ever, but calmer and more able to enjoy some of the pleasant activities available to her. Ultimately she was pleased with her care while in her “hotel”. “Our” MC had its own consulting psychiatrist, a great help.

You are thinking along the right lines. Keep up the good work!

It might be a good idea to have a low key discussion with the MC nurses’ supervisor or the director of the facility. They may not know what the nurses are telling you. In my experience it isn’t recommended to take a patient home for the weekend. They can get confused, agitated, and not understand. Same thing happens when you take them back to the facility afterward. It’s not doing them a favor to put them through that. The nurses should know this.

NO, I would definitely not bring him home for a weekend, and I question any MC nursing staff who would suggest such a thing!! Get his DOCTOR involved for calming meds; when my mother was acting out with advanced dementia and threatening to kill herself (I'm going to run out into the traffic and get run over, which of course was an idle threat, but nevertheless........) I got the doctor to put her on a low dose of Ativan .25 mgs and then increased to .5 once hospice got on board. She calmed down tremendously afterward, which was a blessing for HER as well as for me. It's sad and awful to witness our loved ones in such a state, I know.

The idea is not to take them home from MC, but for the staff to work WITH the residents to keep them relaxed and occupied, even if that requires extra effort on their part and/or calling in the doctor. If your MC is suggesting you take him home for the w/e, it may be time to find a new Memory Care ALF! I can honestly tell you I have NEVER heard of such a suggestion in all the years I've been here on AgingCare!

Good luck with a tough situation.

No, it is a terrible idea. If anything, he needs stability and a routine.

I wouldn’t put much faith in the “I’ll kill myself if you don’t take me home” sayings. He’s just lashing out.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Me, I wouldn't do that, you will be in for a fight to get him back there. He is there for a reason, and, that is his new home.

What he wants and what is best for him and you are two different things.

He is no longer capable of making sound decisions and you are working full time, you need some Me time to recharge your batteries. He is only thinking of himself, no regard for you.

Take care of you, if you don't you will be of no help to him.

Believe me, MC nurses do not fully understand the circumstances, they are just trying to make peace and have a break from him as well.