Honestly, I know of 2 separate occasions were patients in nursing facilities told their family members, "They are trying to kill me in here." It makes me wonder as both of these patients died very soon after. js
"Although this person did have dementia, it did not affect their ability to communicate effectively. Even with dementia, they were very intelligent."
It doesn't matter if your a genius, Dementia effects everyone the same way. It kills the brain section by section. And as it hits that section, the person is effected. So, your LO could still be well spoken but still suffer from delusions.
No one wants to be in a NH. I picked the one Mom was in because on the whole the residents seemed happy and clean. No, its never going to be perfect because it will never be the care that you would give. Family needs to be there regularly at different times. If you want someone's socks to match buy all the same color. Thats what I did. My Mom was easy and the staff loved her.
1. Anecdotal evidence is not evidence. In other words, "I knew a guy who..." is proof of nothing.
2. In dementia patients, it's ALWAYS the dementia talking. The inability of others to recognize it does not mean that what the patient says it true. My own mother covered up her dementia for four years and even convince a visitor that she was recently remarried a mere three months after being widowed by her soulmate of 66 years. The visitor reported it to the local Rotary Club newsletter, where it was published and sent to just about every household in town. My mother was a very intelligent woman, honest, and a pillar of her community, and it simply didn't occur to the visitor that could possibly tell such a whopper, so it must have been true -- except it wasn't. It led to great embarrassment to everyone, except my mother who believed in her new imaginary husband for the next 2 1/2 years.
3. A nursing home that is intentionally killing patients would be shut down in a heartbeat if there was evidence. Did you have your loved one's body autopsied? What did they find? Or, if you didn't, then why not? You're actually accusing them of murder, and you didn't think to get an autopsy?
4. Grief does strange things to the mind, and seeking hindsight-powered excuses for the death of loved ones is as common as dementia patients claiming someone is trying to kill them. See your comments for what they are -- an attempt to rationalize an unexpected death -- and if you can't, I suggest grief counseling.
Just out of curiosity, why do you think it would be of benefit to any nursing facility to kill their patients? Unless said NH is the beneficiary on a life insurance policy, I can't see where losing a patient (and therefore the income they make on caring for said patient) would be a very good business model for any sort of care facility.
It's akin to the idea that hospice is killing their patients...hospice only gets paid while the patient is alive, and not after they die. It would make more sense to me if the accusation was hospice was trying to talk said patient into life-extending procedures, so they can keep collecting their fee...
1) "They are trying to kill me" as LO is in ER after asking to be taken to the hospital. 2) "You all are trying to bury me" as LO is being taken to MC. 3) "Why do you want me dead. I have good years left" as LO was placed in memory care. 4) "Why are you here? To harass me in my own home?" While talking to LO before MC about her age/living situation/safety. 5) "You are not my family. My family wouldn't be trying to kill me" when LO thinks her son has been replaced by an imposter. 6) "I sleep with my eyes open" when LO is convinced DIL is going to kill her in her sleep. 7) "I'm going to kill myself by starving to death so [son] will know what he did to me" while LO is eating her lunch in MC.
And that is just the family-directed comments. It doesn't include the ones about the clothed people showering in her shower, the strange man living in her back bedroom because she can't catch him when he is roaming the halls, the man and woman that hide behind the beloved cactus plant and she yells "Get out or I will throw you out myself", and the church members required to search under the beds before she'll go through the front door so they can confirm who currently lives under the beds on any given Sunday.
I'd also be remiss to not mention the birds in the walls, the mice running across the floor, and the bugs that crawl around the room according to our LO.
So what is really to be believed?
Wants of LO, trust, love, time, and effort by family caregivers are all well and good but while not ideal, SNF, NH, ALF, and MC can be the difference between a safe and caring final ending and the madness/horror that descends on EVERYONE when it becomes too much for those involved.
i definitely agree. however, there are those which are probably really good and you probably must have a lot of loot. I know a few ppl who went and mostly in big cities ppl get mistreated. they hire the wrong ppl and impatient ppl at that. i tell my kids plz do not put me in a nursing home. i would rather live on my own. Its like what the homeless ppl say u get overlooked, missed treated. i know one time my ex sister in law sneaked up to visit her father that was in a nursing home. they had him sitting in a wheelchair in a corner drooling. he had on 2 different colored socks. its nuts. i don't trust these places. I would rather be in my own home than to be missed treated somewhere else. I'm praying to God that he will walk with me in my old age. it truly sounds scary when ppl give up on you. sometimes i guess they just can't deal. always remember one day it's going to be our turn. you don't have to listen to anyone u can gather ideas and use your own mind to make decisions and pray put God first ask him to guide u. ppl are just giving you three ideas of what they would do. even though ppl have similarity doesn't mean it's going to happen to you in the same way.
I can not speak for any other family members as I do not know them. However, I can speak for my family member. Although this person did have dementia, it did not affect their ability to communicate effectively. Even with dementia, they were very intelligent.
Never heard a word beforehand about someone trying to kill them, however, very shorty thereafter .... they died.
And in what WAY did this family member believe they were trying to killl them. Poison? Lack of food? I think the dementia may have been speaking, to be frank.
Were they suffering from dementia, because quite honestly that statement is about as common as the claims that "they" are stealing from me. That is to say, VERY common.
It doesn't matter if your a genius, Dementia effects everyone the same way. It kills the brain section by section. And as it hits that section, the person is effected. So, your LO could still be well spoken but still suffer from delusions.
No one wants to be in a NH. I picked the one Mom was in because on the whole the residents seemed happy and clean. No, its never going to be perfect because it will never be the care that you would give. Family needs to be there regularly at different times. If you want someone's socks to match buy all the same color. Thats what I did. My Mom was easy and the staff loved her.
2. In dementia patients, it's ALWAYS the dementia talking. The inability of others to recognize it does not mean that what the patient says it true. My own mother covered up her dementia for four years and even convince a visitor that she was recently remarried a mere three months after being widowed by her soulmate of 66 years. The visitor reported it to the local Rotary Club newsletter, where it was published and sent to just about every household in town. My mother was a very intelligent woman, honest, and a pillar of her community, and it simply didn't occur to the visitor that could possibly tell such a whopper, so it must have been true -- except it wasn't. It led to great embarrassment to everyone, except my mother who believed in her new imaginary husband for the next 2 1/2 years.
3. A nursing home that is intentionally killing patients would be shut down in a heartbeat if there was evidence. Did you have your loved one's body autopsied? What did they find? Or, if you didn't, then why not? You're actually accusing them of murder, and you didn't think to get an autopsy?
4. Grief does strange things to the mind, and seeking hindsight-powered excuses for the death of loved ones is as common as dementia patients claiming someone is trying to kill them. See your comments for what they are -- an attempt to rationalize an unexpected death -- and if you can't, I suggest grief counseling.
It's akin to the idea that hospice is killing their patients...hospice only gets paid while the patient is alive, and not after they die. It would make more sense to me if the accusation was hospice was trying to talk said patient into life-extending procedures, so they can keep collecting their fee...
1) "They are trying to kill me" as LO is in ER after asking to be taken to the hospital.
2) "You all are trying to bury me" as LO is being taken to MC.
3) "Why do you want me dead. I have good years left" as LO was placed in memory care.
4) "Why are you here? To harass me in my own home?" While talking to LO before MC about her age/living situation/safety.
5) "You are not my family. My family wouldn't be trying to kill me" when LO thinks her son has been replaced by an imposter.
6) "I sleep with my eyes open" when LO is convinced DIL is going to kill her in her sleep.
7) "I'm going to kill myself by starving to death so [son] will know what he did to me" while LO is eating her lunch in MC.
And that is just the family-directed comments. It doesn't include the ones about the clothed people showering in her shower, the strange man living in her back bedroom because she can't catch him when he is roaming the halls, the man and woman that hide behind the beloved cactus plant and she yells "Get out or I will throw you out myself", and the church members required to search under the beds before she'll go through the front door so they can confirm who currently lives under the beds on any given Sunday.
I'd also be remiss to not mention the birds in the walls, the mice running across the floor, and the bugs that crawl around the room according to our LO.
So what is really to be believed?
Wants of LO, trust, love, time, and effort by family caregivers are all well and good but while not ideal, SNF, NH, ALF, and MC can be the difference between a safe and caring final ending and the madness/horror that descends on EVERYONE when it becomes too much for those involved.
Never heard a word beforehand about someone trying to kill them, however, very shorty thereafter .... they died.