90 yo mom called me in 2020 after not speaking to me since 2017. Her granddaughter unbeknownst to me was exploiting her & lying about me not caring about her when she had 2 surgeries But I was never told I am my mom's daughter both independent & hardheaded, So her hanging up on me didn't surprise me at all b/c she has never given me the benefit of doubt. Even tho I am the only child that has been just a phone call away my entire life gotten her out of many problems burying all my siblings because she couldn't deal with it & no insurance to cover expensesThat phone call.in 2020 was b/c her adult great grandson (son of same granddaughter exploiting her & wouldn't allow him to live in her home b/c of his behavior) had one of his almost nightly drunken tirades in the hours after bar closes & killed one of her birds by kicking cages around She was scared & I was there within 2 hrs. I called police ahead of time they had already been there as they had many times before by a 911 call from momMom since being in my home for the past 4 yrs. got hearing aids which only corrects 85% & 65% to each ear so she was deaf from dishwashing in a commercial kitchen for well over 35 yrs So she would always pick a word she could hear (I found out testing her at my home, to see how much she could hear & understand) She would think she knew or heard entire question/ answer to officer, which was never going to be correct She was told "it was a civil matter" They could not make him leave even tho he wasn't paying a thing for years Mom worked till age 84 when she fell at work & broke shoulder I was down every weekend to bring treats, lotion, clip nails etc. & my husband paying for it b/c after spending 6 months at ground zero immediately after Katrina feeding 2000 people daily 18/7 for 6 months I have severe anxiety where at times I cannot get out my front door & my heart rate goes as high as 155 So had not 1 but 2 DCF investigations the 2nd after contacting AG Moody No help took perps word over victimsSo I did what I thought best brought my mom to my home where she has been ever since until March of this yr 2024 when she fell & broke hip! I have texts asking her case worker from January, 2 months prior to see about a LTC facility After caring for her from age 90-94. I had seen her decline in health, 1st having a fractured 4 vertebrae, surgery, rehab then later had fallen once luckily on the carpet in her room but it took me over an hour at 3 am in the morning to get her up, to bathroom & back in bed I had been sleeping on my sofa for over 3 yrs. So I could hear her She couldn't afford her home of 60+ yrs. which I refinanced in 2014 when she broke shoulder & co signed along with granddaughter (never thot granddaughter would be a thief & even stopped getting her food in middle of Covid yes mom went out while recuperating from a heart surgery & broken hip I could of done this along with pay her bills online but granddaughter in 2014 said she had to do those things herself & had kids that would help as she lived maybe a mile away) Find out her last WC check was Sept 2020, her phone call Oct 2, 2020.So to the point I screwed up by selling the jointly owned home of 9 yrs b/c in 2022 her homestead was.rescinded almost doubling her mtg. & as everyone knows the costs of everything is sky high My husband & I have lived of his SS as he has been disabled since 2006 when I had come home from Louisiana. We rent, we make ends meet but I had to put out a lot on my credit for mom furnishing her room, buying DME for toilet /shower extra costs of living At time of home sale 2022 it was trashed vandalized after everything was stolen appliances, etc. Then they destroyed the inside & had 2 ft of trash In NH now & denied her Medicaid renewal over $40k from sale which she gave to me for expenses both past & futureI cannot chance her having a fatal fall & just had to walk away for her to get care needed.How can I fix this as both of us hurt Next fall could be fatalTY HELP
There is a participant on this forum [ Igloo572 ] who is well versed in these types of situations and can maybe provide some guidance (although not official professional guidance). Maybe look her up on this forum and send her a PM (private message).
Your Mom's "Next fall could be fatal"... at 94 even if she were in a facility she can still fall since they are not allowed to restrain people, even when a known fall risk. My own 100-yr old Aunt fell in her own bedroom at night when she got out of bed, fell and broke her hip -- then passed away in rehab where she was still attempting to get out of bed. Please prepare your heart and mind that no one gets to stay here forever and few people have a "perfect" exit. I do wish a peaceful and perfect exit for your Mom and all our LOs, but it's not reality.
May you receive solutions and peace in your heart as your sort things out.
Can you slow down a bit and tell us NOW --TODAY, on THIS DAY what problem are you having that needs to be addressed?
Make that a one or two sentence reply without going backward into what happened, if you are able, because no one, governmental or on a Forum can comb through all that history.
Your mother is 90. What EXACTLY does she need NOW TODAY?
Does she live with you or with any family member?
Are her needs met TODAY?
The more in answers you give us the more confusing I am afraid this is becoming.
The Government isn't going to let your mother suffer for the mistakes others made. She will get care; I cannot believe she will be kicked out into the streets at 90 because of past mistakes.
Please try to tell us in a few simple sentences what help your mother actually needs TODAY.
Thanks
Happy Healthy New Years to you & yours.
Your mother may need to become a ward of the state now; I truly wish you the best, but as you can imagine, with years of these problems having been flowing under the bridge none of us poor caregivers out here would have a clue at how to manage all this.
You need professional help with this.
I wish you the very best.
I had 2 letters of renewal,1 in Sept. 23 & 1 in March of 24. But first questioned her caseworker in Aug 23 abt not being eligible. " Oh don't worry about the system etc. I 'm sure she will be eligible" "I don't even know exact dates" . To the point of what exactly do you do? I have dealt with Medicare since 2006, but this Medicaid as of late I found to be very scary!! Like "no participant liability" I responded honestly, provided all docs requested & to a fault hurt my mom. When the NH becomes representative payee for SS (no prob there I 'd expect them to get her SS✓. Then when they fail they hire a snake as POA who says she is not hearing impaired & just take money (2700+) out of our joint acct., to which I just put $750 for my property taxes from credit rewards, leaving only $300. What to show she has no money?!! Those are the people trying to screw the system & mom! She has no clue what she signed, her hearing aids broke in her fall. BUT I just now got delivered some hearing aids , they say not amplifiers, sure they are, mom had molded hearing aids. But they are supposed to be noise cancelling, better than nothing! My 1st visit to see her since Easter will be Friday her 95th birthday, God help me! My anxiety has been over the top since before Christmas & I have many presents for her! I know it is hard for ppl to understand anxiety, I've lost so many friends. Went from being an extrovert, captain of a women's 8 ball team to a shut in way before mom came here. I cannot miss her 95th birthday!! Prayers please I can get through this. I have to & hopefully she'll be able to hear. I don't know what to expect though, the last call I got from her, I was outside & didn't hear, but came in 5 minutes later, saw she called & called back 41 times, never got an answer. Her message "Go to hell".... I keep all these phone records & texts back to 2021 with her case worker because I have already been through the " he said, she said" with my husbands LTD insurance NOT, really a loan, but because of keeping everything in black & white, I not only beat the big name insurance co. but their lawyer as well before an ALJ! It is just exhausting looking for that precedent to base your case upon, many many sleepless nights. I believe what is right is right but I am more scared than ever with this Medicaid law, seems like a losing position no matter how honest a person is, but for those who base companies on "Medicaid Solutions" lie, when they have no facts & when the facts prove them wrong, they have no.penalty. I think a big part of the problem I just found last night/ morning is "pre-populated forms" that parrot wrong info, even though you try to correct those that follow to get money, yes NH deserves to be paid, but quit putting in narratives that are false. Nobody with state AHCA will talk to me, I have no POA, not a representative payee, just the only living survivor that does know the facts. Yes I made mistakes, but never lied never signed anything! I have a trust (not legal, we're poor) but heartfelt to my 77 y.o. husband to be here for his needs & his health has been failing for yrs. 27 yrs together, he was over 200 lbs Black belt to 140 lbs on oxygen & other inhalation therapy..It is hard to draw a line between the 2 but sometimes I must..TY for a least caring enough to read..I needed an outlet beside the vicious circle of"State Agencies" who claim to care for seniors
Best wishes for a Healthy Happy New Yr 2 U & Ur's