My mom has been living with us for 18 months and she has early to mid-dementia kind of like short term memory loss but a little worse. She knows what's going on. My daughter is on her checking account she already did a fraud investigation once because she said I was stealing from her which I am not, and it was proven. My mom has helped us out financially, but we are paying her back as soon as I start getting paid by the state for caring for her, but it's not fast enough for my daughter. My mom said we don't have to, but we want to. The problem is also that she will not speak up and tell my daughter it's her money and she can do what she wants. She has told her that I'm not stealing from her or taking advantage of her but at this point my daughter is telling us that she's taking my mom and moving her in with her. My mom does not want to go with her and has not given her power of attorney, but I don't think it means anything. We do not have the money to hire an attorney. It's like she thinks whatever she says goes. WHAT IF ANYTHING CAN I DO? ANY SUGGESTIONS? PLEASE HELP!
Money sees to be the issue. If your daughter thinks you are ‘stealing from’ your mother, then your daughter might be trying to protect you from getting into legal trouble yourself. Alternatively your daughter might be trying to keep your mother’s bank balance high because she expects to inherit it herself.
Or perhaps money isn’t the issue. Your daughter might be worrying that your care isn’t good enough for her grandmother. Alternatively that it’s too much for you to cope with.
A third person, even someone from APS, might help to sort all this out.
Who initiated the fraud investigation? Was it your mother or your daughter? Why is your daughter on your mother’s checking account? Are you your mom’s POA?
Without answers to these questions, no one can accurately address your situation.
Wishing you all the best.
When your daughter tries to bring your mom back to you in a couple of months because the work is 10 times harder than she expected, make sure and laugh in her face for at least 10 minutes.
If I'm understanding your post correctly, you say that your mother had you investigated for fraud and put your daughter on her bank account because she thought you were stealing from her. If such is the case, let your daughter take her and count yourself lucky because she'll make your life a living hell. She has chosen to villify you and it will only get worse.
Villifying is a popular theme with the elderly when they live with one of their adult children even when they are being well cared for. Even when they don't have dementia. They want to complain about someone and engage in victim mentality because they want drama and pity from others.
Let her move in with your daughter, then watch her become the villian. Your mother will be calling you and talking the same untrue, nonsense crap about your daughter that she talks about you. So let your daughter take control.
You dodged a bullet my friend. Be glad of it.
Don't pay back the money either. All that will accomplish is that the state will take it when she starts receiving paid services. Your mother probably doesn't have much if she qualifies for a paid family caregiver program.
I'd definitely let your daughter take her if I was you.
Be warned though, you need to do a loan document if your mom is loaning you money.
Mom should be paying for her share of costs living in your home.
Unless your mother speaks up loudly and tells your daughter she absolutely does NOT want to live with her, there's likely not much you can do to prevent it.