Well, I tried to be nice. Ha! What a joke! Now I'm ready for all the less-than-kind ways to deal with her nonsense.
She just keeps getting worse.
Everything that we discuss, she backtracks on. Every time I am ready to start working on the next issue, she goes against everything we have agreed on.
Last Monday, I woke up to dirty diapers in the kitchen sink. The week continued with her increasing in ignorance, and ended yesterday with her telling me to get out of her life, red-faced screaming that she hates my guts, and calling me a c***!
I'm just so tired of it all that I don't even have the energy to try to repair anything with her. I'm ready to give up on all of it.
Today her PSW tried to intervene, and Mom smashed a plate at her feet. If that had cut her?!? The PSW is diabetic. She's not impressed. She has to report Mom. Mom may lose her worker now (again). And I am not looking for a new one for her. In fact, if it gets reported to the LHIN she may lose her hours - no one wants their workers in harms way!
Tomorrow is my birthday. I told my husband I just want a quiet day. A little peace. Maybe I'll run off to a hotel. After that, I will start making calls, and push for some kind of assessment.

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Changing a catheter is one of the reasons your Mother could have a UTI.
Call the PSW and ask her about the UTI.
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Cinder, take the day tomorrow for yourself. Try, I know it is hard, to forget about Mum for the day.

You are at the end of your rope. It is time for her to be placed, but if where you are is anything like BC, the wait list for publicly funded beds are long. Talk to her doctor after your birthday and ask for help getting her placed.

Your as well as Mum's safety is at stake as well as your mental health.
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💖💖💖 *UTI ALERT*💖💖💖
The symptoms of a UTI in the elderly present as bizzarre behavior problems, as you have described. Treat is as an emergency please.

The symptoms are not always urgency, frequency, burning, pain, blood in the urine, or fever in the elderly. (not a complete list of UTI symptoms.)

If she has been treated for a UTI recently, you need to have her re-tested because it might not have cleared, or it could come back again.

To prevent a UTI in the future, you could start D-Mannose capsules (Or powder) derived from cranberry. Ask your doctor.

Then, proceed with addressing the continuing and increasing behavior problems (if she continues to get worse), by seeing a Geriatric Psychiatrist, having her evaluated in-patient
at a behavioral health facility. But do not skip the UTI.

Read this article here on the Aging Care Forum:

UTIs and Dementia in Seniors: Impact and Treatment Options
Vik Rajan, MD
Houston Patient Advocacy

It is an EMERGENCY anytime there is a rapid decline in behavioral or cognitive symptoms for an elderly person.
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cinderblock Jul 2022
Thank you, yes, she does get a lot of UTI's and gets tested weekly due to her catheter. We were just at the hospital last week for a test, new catheter was inserted, and she's supposed to be getting a suprapubic catheter put in to try to keep the infections down. But this behaviour isn't new, unfortunately; she's kinda always been this way.
First, get Mom tested and treated for a UTI.
That should be done first as a priority within the next 12 hours.
That means right away.
Even if it must be done at an emergency room.

You can celebrate your birthday any day this month, and still have a great and peaceful time.
Happy Birthday!
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cinderblock Jul 2022
Thank you, I wish it was just a UTI!!! Then at least it could be treated and things could get a little more manageable.
Time to place her and get control of your life back, there is no excuse for her abuse.

She is a toxic person, that behavior will never get any better, you will always be her punching bag unless you set your boundaries. It is up to you.
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I sure hope you stick to your plan to look for alternatives.

I see you live in Canada and I am not familiar with PSW or LHIN. We have an acronym thread that these should go on.

It is clear that your mom is out of control and a danger to herself and others. That is really the bottom line.

Do take action to hand her care off to any portion of the alphabet that will take it.

You don’t have to be unkind to do that, you just have to be very clear that you are done. Mostly with yourself you need to be clear. No waffling.

You have carried her as far down her road as you are able. You have given what you had to give. Well done on seeing that portion out. Time for the next phase, with fresh care givers for her and rest for you.

Wishing you a wonderful day of quiet and peace and many more happy birthdays. 🎈 🎈
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cwillie Jul 2022
The OP must be in Ontario where we love our ever changing acronyms. LHINs (local health integration networks) replaced CCAC (community care access centre), but they too are now redundant and have been replaced with HCCSS (home and community care support services). I'm sure somebody must be making a lot of money changing all the letterheads etc
Personal support workers are the equivalent of your CNAs.
Happy Birthday one day early. What a terrible situation you're in right now, my heart goes out to you.

Does mom have dementia going on? You don't mention that in your profile. If not, why would she be putting dirty briefs in the kitchen sink? Throwing plates on the floor and using such foul language? If I were you, I'd call 911 and have her shipped off to the ER next time she's acting out; have her sent to the psych ward for an evaluation to see what a psychiatrist thinks is going on with her. You can't live like this, that's for sure. Perhaps some medication is in order to calm her down.

If you live in the same house with 'mother', as it sounds like you do, then definitely run off to a hotel with DH tomorrow and have some fun. You deserve to.

When you get back, please look into placement for your mother; it sounds like it's long overdue.

Wishing you good luck & Godspeed with this entire situation.
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It sounds as though it may be time to consider placement for your Mom. I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
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