For the first yr, I used at least $438 a month out of my money to pay for her breathing medication, but once she got on hospice they pay for her meds. So, for the last 6 months, I have used her money for food, bills, and other supplies we both needed out of her money. Since I literally take care of her 24 hrs a day (sleep maybe 3 or 4 hrs a day), I can't work, I can't leave, I can't do anything but be by her side (I haven't slept in bed with my hubby in 2 months). Is it fair that I use my moms money to pay bills, food, build her a ramp, and other things she wants like flowers to plant. My issue now is my brother, whom hasn't spoken to our mom since Jan 2019 wants to sue me for using mom's money. I can't work cause she is 24hr care! He lives in Indiana and I live in Florida. Can he really sue me? He's threatened me saying if I dont give him $2000 he is gonna take me to court for using mom's money to pay and buy stuff.
Mom's 1st yr expenses
Receives $1064 a month
$438 breathing meds
$300 cigarettes
$125 ave pills (other meds)
$160 a month in fuel expenses
$100 depends
$150 spending money (sister)
$150 electric bill
$50 phone bill
$350 food
Thats not counting clothes or extra stuff she needed a month. So whatever was over the 1064, I paid for, from Jan 2019- Feb 2020. She got on Hospice they took over all her meds, so it saved $438 plus pills $125, my sister stopped taking my mom so ,$140 of fuel is saved. Mom couldn't smoke no more cause she was bed bound so saved another $300. So for over a yr I spent 400-600 plus out of my money, now we save over she is down to 800 of her money being used. So, I use the rest for extra things we needed. So who really cares that I used her money (260) to pay extra bills and etc. I used $6500 (ave) of my money to help her with medical and her needs, and now I can't work cause she is 24 hrs a day care. And my brother wants to sue me whom hasn't again talked to her once once since Jan 2019.
Can he really sue me?

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Since Mom is on Hospice I don't see where you will need Medicaid.
Looks like u kept records. What I see is most of your expenses are Moms. She should be paying at least half of everything of the living expenses.

Tell brother to have fun trying to get blood out of a stone. You owe him nothing. He is not entitled to any money until maybe Moms passing and he wants an accounting. Right now its between u and Mom.

I counted what expenses u listed and ur approx. $800 over what Mom brings in. Maybe you should do a spreadsheet showing monthly expenses before Hospice and after Hospice. Making sure you show out of pocket expenses over and above daily living expenses. Just ur out of pocket of 6500 u could say he owes u one third of that so ur even. Then add in what it would cost for 24/7 care. (Use $10.00 an hour and thats very conservative)So at $10 an hour at 168 hrs a week=1680x 52 weeks=$87,360 a year. Lot more than 2k. Wonder why he feels you owe him. If the house you live in is Moms, then you would owe her, which you don't.

Sitting here imagining him going to a lawyer to sue. "Well sir my Mom brings in $1064 a month. My sister has been living with Mom mooching off her. She has no job. Then lawyer asks when is the last time u saw ur Mom, brother says 18 months ago. But, sis is using Moms money on herself and I want her to pay me 2k."

Now, does that make sense. And do u think its worth suing for 2k. Do you really think a lawyer will take the suit. Especially, when he asks for an accounting and you provide it telling him you are Moms 24/7 Caregiver and can't work. The lawyer will tell ur brother he is nuts.
Helpful Answer (1)
worriedinCali Aug 2020
They’ll need Medicaid if mom goes off hospice or in to long term care ;)
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And adding to Alva,, sometimes just telling Bro you are going to let your lawyer deal with this may call his bluff. I agree, this is some sort of blackmail, and he will just keep hitting you up if you pay him a dime.
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What does your brother think you should give him $2,000 for? Himself???
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You cannot co-mingle yours and your Mom's money, and here is the danger in doing so. If Mom ever requires placement and requires medicaid help they will do a lookback on her money. They will want to see that the money was spent for herself. If you are her POA and managing her money they will ask you for your records. You will have to prove Mom's monthy income and what Mom used her assets for. If she paid, say your rent, then that is considered "gifting" to you, and that would put her back in receiving money. If she paid her OWN heating bill that is OK, but if she paid yours it is not.
Now. You certainly can spend Mom's money on costs for her food, medications, cigarettes, clothing, depends, and so on, and you can even charge Mom rent, though that would count as "income" when you do your taxes and it would require a contract made out. But you must keep tract of every dollar you spend and the receipts in folders and be prepared to tell medicaid what every dollar of MOM'S money was spent for, and that it was spend on her.
You honestly need to see an Elder Law Attorney, and this Mom's funds can pay for, to learn how best to do this.
The important thing is keeping records of everything that is spent per month. What the income is and what the output is. That you keep copies of all bills paid for your mother, and a folder for every cost she has. If it is her home, then a folder for her insurance cost. A folder for Sister's gas money. A folder for drugstore, medications, depends and so on. A folder for supplemental health insurance. Everything gets a manila folder.
You say "who really cares" and the fact is that I sure don't care. But the government will look on this as your spending your mother's money for your own needs if, say, she pays YOUR rent, even THO she is living with you, eating with you, using the heat from your heating bill, and being driven here and there by you and etc.
Your brother can also bring allegations against you of stealing from your elderly mom even though we all know you are NOT. That is why you need a contract. And proof of every penny used FOR Mom with Mom's money.
Do not give your brother money. He is blackmailing you and paying him is as good as admitting guilt. See a lawyer at once and tell them everything you have told us. And from now on Mom's money is Mom's money and yours is yours, and if you charge Mom rental that is a contract for rental, food and utilities paid to you once a month by Mom's assets, and claimed as income by you; keep meticulous diaries and records INCLUDING your brother's threats and demands. So very sorry this is happening to you. You clearly are so well meaning and are giving your Mom care, and what has happened to you has happened because you did not fully understand the rules. A Lawyer will help you, and because this involves questions of Mom's monies, and your are her POA, and involves drawing up a contract for Mom, her estate can pay his fee. You must get informed.
RealyReal is correct; you owe your brother no explanations. Tell him to go ahead and report or sue you. BUT be ready with your own records and receipts to PROVE Mom's expenses are for her own living.
Helpful Answer (3)
Isthisrealyreal Aug 2020
Alvadeer, mom paying her own way is not income to anyone. Just so you know.

It gets a bit confusing but it should never create a tax burden for an individual to pay their fair share.
Yes, you absolutely can (and should!) use her money for her care.
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Anobody can sue anybody else for anything.

I don't think that you have to worry. Mom should be paying her own way and she should have paid you back for the money you spent for her meds .

I would tell my brother that I would see him in court and I would counter sue for duress and threats and intimidation.

What a loser he is.

I am sorry that you are losing your mom and having to battle your brother.

Oh yeah, you have no right or responsibility to tell him anything about moms finances. As her POA you are a legal fiduciary and you have to keep her business private unless she wants you to share her information.
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