This is a tough one! I would not have my mom living with me. I would have insisted that she not waste her money by helping useless brothers who never did a good job managing money. That money would have paid for assisted living.
I would not do it again. I do love mom but this damaged our relationship. It puts a huge strain on a parent/child relationship. It’s too much pressure on the caregiver. It’s too hard for the parent to allow the child to have the upper hand. From what I have seen many times over, parents don’t want children telling them what to do, even if it is for their benefit.
I have to start taking my health more seriously. I did tests. More tests lined up. My primary doctor said my lab work was off. Taking different meds. Changed dosage on some meds. So we are working on getting things in balance. Lots of follow up visits scheduled. Big step for me because I am not one to run to the doctor. I hate going but I cannot neglect myself any longer.
Stress is a killer! Not eating properly, or should I say, skipping eating isn’t good for me, so I need to change that too. Not getting enough rest because of caring for mom for so long. Caregiving absolutely takes it’s toll on us.
I had this dumped in my lap which made it more stressful for me. Like many people in New Orleans mom was left homeless after Hurricane Katrina destroyed her home. That is how she came to live with us. There was no time to plan anything. The city was in mayhem after Katrina.
I must say I was not properly prepared for any of this. In spite of dearly loving my mom it would never have been what I would have wanted in my life, 14 years and counting of caring for mom in my home.
Has been a long winding road for both mom and my family. Lots of bumps in the road as well. I am still looking at alternative solutions and trying to care for my own health needs. Takes time. I thank God for a loving and supportive husband.
My heart sincerely goes out to every single caregiver on this site. Hugs to all of you for being there for me. I appreciate it so very much!
I truly hope that you find relief soon. It’s a nightmare. I realize no one wants to be a burden to anyone or to have a medical situation but it gets to be too much for others to deal with. I wish you all the happiness and peace the world has to offer. Hugs!
But would I go through those years again? Would I recommend our choices to anyone else? ROFL! - No.
FIL living with us X 13 continued through his natural decline into old age, and we should have forced him into Independant Senior living right from the get go. The Toll it took on our family, our marriage, was just too much especially those last years until his last major illness (Cancer) and his death on Hospice care, us caring for him, dying in our home.
We still and Always would have been there supporting him along the way, but we definately did him and ourselves a diservice by not encouraging him to stay active and amongst his peers, and which would have alowed us to have better boundries and more control over our own lives. Live and learn, I wish I had found this forum 15 years ago!
It’s such a strain. I get the grief thing too. Often we don’t address grief properly which sets us up to deal with it later. Just hard. Very hard. Doesn’t get easier down the road either. Keeps getting tougher.