I left my career to take care of Mom. I’ve lived alone for 30 Yrs. I moved to another state to live near my best friend, she wanted to help with my Mom's care. After being here for 3 mos she no longer wants to help with my mom. I feel angry and alone in a new state without friends and a job to go to. I sit in my home with my Mom who doesn’t talk and just follows me around the house. I’m going CRAZY! Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Ok, so your friend couldn't handle it; few can; cross that off your list. This is when the rubber meets the road. You've got to be analytical vs. emotional and concentrate on what will be the rest of your life, and decide what's best for each of you to live happily. Do you want to be her caregiver for the rest of her (and your) life? Or do you want to have your own life? You can't have both, not really. I'm guessing the 2nd; if yes, you need to find an assisted living home that your mom can afford on her own or with Medicaid. If your dad served in the military, check into VA benefits to help. Then, you need to see if you can find a job, even if it's part time and different from what your career was. At 64 this may not be possible, but it's not unheard of, and you can at least say you tried. Even a part time job will give you some social contact.
Perhaps you can find a job that's in line with what your career was. Heck, if you can get a job with your former employer in the career and state you were in, do it! And take mom back to that state, and find an assisted living home for her. Pick one that transitions, i.e., if she develops dementia or other medical problems, they're equipped to handle it there, so you don't have to move her again.
The bottom line: take back your life.
Is it time for mom to be in a facility? There comes a time for nearly all of us. Maybe your friend has some recommendations and would help with that.
Best to you.
Best of luck
Her/him leaving doesn't mean that they are not your friend, maybe this is tough love, maybe they saw that you are not the solution for your moms care.
It is far to much for one person to care for a dementia/Alzheimer's patient and two people are not much better. There comes a time when they need a village, could it be time for your moms village to take over and you be her advocate and daughter and actually have your life. I don't think it is okay for parents to ask that their children give up their lives so they don't have to change anything or go into a care facility. Your mom got to have her life, please don't give her years of yours so she doesn't have to give anything up.
I hope you figure out what is best for both of you, because you matter as much as your mom in the choices.
What stage is your mother's dementia/Alzheimer's? I am sure you already know this, but it is or it has reached a point where one one 24/7 is not going to be good for either one of you.
Please come back, vent and let us know how you are doing. I think you need a face to face person who can give you support and objective input like a therapist or a pastor/priest.
I wish you the best.
Sounds like mom needs to be in a facility (with Medicaid if she has no money) and her daughter needs to be her advocate and daughter again.