I've been doing this for 11 years since we lost my dad. My family took my mom in like part of our family but it's had a toll on my marriage and family. I just feel so torn... I want to care for my mom but it's getting so hard. She's forgetful and if I try to ask her for anything she is getting grouchy with me. Tonight she upset me so much.... she said really mean things and it's not like her. I'm just tired... putting her before myself and everyone especially during this time. I am wondering if anyone else here feels this way.... how can I find peace and balance. I can't handle being yelled at when I'm doing my best to help. I'm too old for this! Thoughts?
She needs to know, just like your kids, that she cannot act that way and get away with it. Her behavior upsets you and we all know that mom's happiness sets the tone for the whole house (yes that is sexist, but IMHO it's true).
Her being allowed to live with you is a privilege and perhaps she needs to be reminded of this.
I had to 'kick out' a 20 yo daughter who simply could not comply with house rules. She left kind of angry, but felt she could say/do anything and I could just deal with it. Sorry, nope, my house, my rules no matter your age.
It may be time to move mom to assisted living---your mental health is taking a beating and there's no need for that. Having her assessed and making that tough decision will be hard--but you need to put you first.
If its found Mom has Dementia you may want to start considering an AL if she can afford it. Maybe an Adult Daycare to give you and her some breathing room. May have to put them on hold for now though.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and explain your concerns. They may offer some help.