My 80 year old husband is unsteady on his feet, dementia, possibly Alzheimer's and he is so tired that he won't get up at night on his walker to change underwear; I have a waterproof blanket on him then 3 other blankets (he's always cold) but they're smelly in the morning. He also won't get up because our house is cold at night (have to watch our PGE bill). He's not difficult, just won't do it. The waterproof blanket is very big and makes him sweat and is too difficult to wash/dry every day. Any solutions, please!!! I do use pads to save the mattress and he has a heating blanket. We sleep together in a California King bed but I separate my bedding from his down the middle.
Start looking at placement optons. Having him elsewhere is the only thing that will save you. Read some other posts on here. I think that will help you understand what you’re up against.
Yes to moving one of you out into a separate bedroom.
Him being "... unsteady on his feet, dementia, possibly Alzheimer's..." this needs to be confirmed in an actual diagnosis by his primary physician. Whoever is his PoA needs to help him do this, since a PoA's authority is usually not activated without an official medical diagnosis.
He will also need this exam in order to prescribe any future medications for any anxiety, depression, agitation which often comes with advancing dementia. If he doesn't have a PoA then this will eventually become a problem since he'll have no legal representative to manage his affairs. Just because you're his spouse doesn't automatically allow you into any accounts onto which you are not a co-owner.
Then, once he's sleeping separately, I'd tell HIM to do his daily linen laundry. Once he gets a feel for how distasteful it is, he may decide to resolve this untenable situation once and for all. Dementia or not, unless it's VERY advanced, he can still understand what too much work feels like.
He can go to the doctor to discuss incontinence and solutions.
He can wear disposable briefs with an extra insert to absorb extra urine.
Or he can live in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or a Skilled Nursing facility if he refuses.
But wearing "underwear" to bed and creating this much chaos is not manageable. Throw away all his regular underwear and replace it with pull up Depends. Make sure he empties his bladder before bed, too.
Best of luck to you. This is usually a deal breaker for most people when it comes to keeping a loved one at home who suffers from dementia.
You need to start using some lighter weight blankets that can be washed everyday if needed.
And have him sleeping perhaps in some fleece pajama pants, a sweatshirt with hoodie, and fleece socks on his feet if he's that cold natured. Then perhaps you won't need that many blankets on him.
Also another thought....what you may be saving in your heating bill you're more than likely spending on your water bill if you're having to do multiple loads of laundry everyday.
So you may need to think about just turning up the thermostat a few degrees.