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In my State of NJ, if you private pay for an AL/MC for at least 2 years, you can apply for Medicaid to help keep them at the AL. The problem is if the facility has met the % of Medicaid residents they allow. Medicaid pays less than the going rate.

Call your County Social Service Dept and talk to a Medicaid casework and ask if AL/MC is paid for in any way. If not, what will happen is when Moms money starts to run out, you will then need to apply for Medicaid and have her placed in LTC. By that time Mom may have declined to the point that she is beyond the care of an AL or MC. Both are limited in the care they can give.
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Search for the topic, “Burnout” on the forum here.

This will give you access to posts from others who have attempted to care for Loved Ones with a dementia at their home. It is not AT ALL like caring for someone who does not have a dementia.

Best wishes.
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Debstarr53 Feb 2022
This is SO correct. My mom was so sharp and capable all of her life. Now she spends her time picking her nose, picking scabs on her arms and back, rummaging through the garbage, flipping channels on the tv and wears out the batteries in a few months, personal hygiene is gone so she's a germ spreader, etc. etc. ect. When the time comes that she has to move, it will be a facility of some sort. It's hard enough to deal with this craziness at her home, I could not deal with this in our home, fulltime.
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Don’t have her in your home and then take her to AL. She won’t want to leave. Either go straight to AL or plan to keep her in your house as long as possible.
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Welcome to the forum!

I highly recommend Assisted Living for your mom. She can self pay until her funds run out and then you apply for Medicaid and she moves into a Skilled Nursing Facility, if she's still alive. At 86, she may have enough funds to last her in AL for the rest of her life, right? My folks were in AL from 2014 until 2019; then mom went into the Memory Care bldg of the same AL. They both loved Assisted Living; there were lots of social events, happy hour on Fridays, a dance floor, entertainment/music, outings on the mini bus weekly, a gorgeous garden to stroll, a great dining room with a changing menu, nice buffets at the holidays, all sorts of things. Plus they had help at all times when needed. I recommend you look into a privately owned AL rather than a corporate owned one b/c they are better run, in my experience.

You can move mom in with you but that doesn't always work out so well; read the forum here and see for yourself. Elder care is a very difficult thing to take on and having someone else in your home is invasive. As the elder gets sicker and needier, the family life tends to suffer too. But, if you feel like you want to give it a try, you can do that too. There's no one size fits all scenario that works for everyone. If you and mom get along great, it may work out well for you and she'd save lots of money that way, but you should consider charging her monthly room and board fees to help with your added costs. Just something to think about.

I just read your profile; move mom into an AL that also has a Memory Care attached. That's what I did; dad died in 2015 and mom was dx'ed with dementia in 2016. It got pretty bad in 2019 and I had to move her into the Memory Care bldg after a hospital stay. You said mom has it herself and it is VERY hard to deal with at home!!! You are worn out and rightly so. Memory Care AL has a whole TEAM of people to care for her. She can start out in regular AL and move into MC when need be. Don't feel 'guilty' for getting her placed into a managed care environment where she will get the care she NEEDS. That leaves you to be the daughter again instead of the worn out caregiver. Go back to your OWN family and give her a new life in AL, that's my suggestion.

BEST OF LUCK!
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Beatty Feb 2022
Said it all!
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