Allowing your DH to become acclimated to his new home is probably the greatest gift you can give him.
I'm hoping that there are activities and such that he will participate in if he doesn't have a constant stream of visitors. We were shocked to show up at Mom's NH to find her playing cards, having Mocktails and having her nails done, not things she would normally do, but because we weren't around, she said "what the heck" and joined in.
Once or twice a week is plenty to visit your DH in Memory Care. Although it's absurd to say it doesn't make a difference to him whether you visit him or not & that he 'won't register the difference'! If the man is alive and breathing, then he has a soul and a heart. And, as such, WILL register that you are holding his hand and close to him, visiting with him and showing him loving affection. Even a person in a coma registers when someone is speaking to them! I visited my mother 2x a week during her last 6 months of life in Memory Care, with advanced dementia, and you bet she was happy I did! I was able to sit with her and let her know I loved her, and vice versa, and she WAS still in there, in spite of her dementia & difficult personality.
We visit our loved ones in MC as much for OURSELVES as for them, too, because we love them and don't want to lose the connection we have together. Don't feel guilty if you can't visit more often, however, and do what you can when you can. Consider your OWN needs as well as his, as there are TWO people affected by dementia in this situation, not just DH. Your life is impacted as well as his. You know that he is well cared for where he's at, and safe, so that's what matters. As far as him wanting to come home with you, that's the hard part to deal with, for us, I know. Just let him know that 'when the doctor says it's okay to come home', that's when you'll talk to him about it again. Put it all on the doctor and leave it at that.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Know that it's okay to live YOUR life too as your DH acclimates himself to the Memory Care ALF. Sending you a hug & a prayer for peace.
I’m thinking of reducing visits to 1-2 times per week for my own mental health. He tries to leave with me and the other day grabbed my arm forcefully and wouldn’t let go. Talks in a circular manner only about going home and when I’m picking him up. Thank you for the resources! I will check them out!
If your husband suffers from dementia, your visits don't make him any better. His brain is disconnected from the outside world and whether you visit him frequently or not, he won't register the difference. I suggest you make your personal schedule with minimum visits to your husband, He won't be affected one way or another. He were a lucid person with a normal brain it will matter, but he's not.
How often is often? You have your plate full...have you asked for outside help: local churches, High school clubs, Boy Scouts, 4H Club, Nextdoor.com appeal. Also contact your local area's Agency on Aging to see if they can point you towards any resources.
Allowing your DH to become acclimated to his new home is probably the greatest gift you can give him.
I'm hoping that there are activities and such that he will participate in if he doesn't have a constant stream of visitors. We were shocked to show up at Mom's NH to find her playing cards, having Mocktails and having her nails done, not things she would normally do, but because we weren't around, she said "what the heck" and joined in.
No guilt. You have to do what you have to do.
We visit our loved ones in MC as much for OURSELVES as for them, too, because we love them and don't want to lose the connection we have together. Don't feel guilty if you can't visit more often, however, and do what you can when you can. Consider your OWN needs as well as his, as there are TWO people affected by dementia in this situation, not just DH. Your life is impacted as well as his. You know that he is well cared for where he's at, and safe, so that's what matters. As far as him wanting to come home with you, that's the hard part to deal with, for us, I know. Just let him know that 'when the doctor says it's okay to come home', that's when you'll talk to him about it again. Put it all on the doctor and leave it at that.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Know that it's okay to live YOUR life too as your DH acclimates himself to the Memory Care ALF. Sending you a hug & a prayer for peace.