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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I see that she doesn't argue like this with my husband or anyone else. I feel she takes advantage and antagonizes me cause I'm her daughter. I try to talk to her about it, but she denies it and doesn't wanna listen. Feeling frustrated.
Yup, you'll always be her kid. She's used to telling you what and how to do things. I'm sure she's just doing what comes naturally. They don't realize we're adults.
Come here when you want to scream. We're all screaming too! :0
Sandy, i see from your profile that you are caring for Mom at her home. Sometimes what happens is the adult/child dynamic. Once again Mom takes her adult role, and she sees you as the child. And we being the "kids", what do we know :P Thus the reason she is questioning your decisions, even if your decisions are 100% correct.
She's losing control of her life and you're the one she knows isn't going to kick her out on the street. She's angry and has to lash out. Does she live with you? Is she in Assisted Living or some other care? Is she ill? If she continues to cause trouble for no reason and has all her faculties (no dementia, mental illness, etc), tell her that she's hurting your feelings. When my MIL gets sideways about something, I offer the worse case scenario---"So, you're unhappy with how much this place costs? I understand that you're worried about it. What can we do? How about we start looking for cheaper alternatives? Remember that place that Dad stayed for rehab (an awful place!)? I know that place is a bit cheaper." Maybe some would consider that 'playing dirty' by using that method, but it helps her see that she does have some control of her life. She drives me batty sometimes, but when I'm particularly sideways with her. I have to take a deep breath and remember that she controls very little in her life and she's got very little she can do to change that. Hang in there. I understand. This is a roller coaster that isn't any fun for any of us.
Did she argue like that when she was 70? Is this just more of same, but you have more contact now so it seems worse?
Has this been mostly since she has lost so much of her independence?
Can you make decisions and have the decisions announced by your husband or someone else? Obviously there are lots of immediate decisions you must make day to day that can't wait for someone else to get involved, but postponing those suggestions/decisions that can be dealt with later might reduce the conflict. (Maybe.)
It sounds like your mother trusts you to love her forever and she feels like she doesn't have to be on her best behavior with you. You'll accept her the way she is. Try to take that as the compliment that it is.
Can you give an example of the kind of argument you and Mom have? Maybe someone will have specific suggestions for that.
Ok.. I can really commiserate here. While I am not acting in a caregiver role with my dad.. I am the one who is ringleading the circus that has become his life over the last 5 weeks. It seems like he will listen better to almost anyone on care related issues but me. I think it's hard for them to let go of the dynamic where they are the parent and in control.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Come here when you want to scream. We're all screaming too! :0
If she continues to cause trouble for no reason and has all her faculties (no dementia, mental illness, etc), tell her that she's hurting your feelings. When my MIL gets sideways about something, I offer the worse case scenario---"So, you're unhappy with how much this place costs? I understand that you're worried about it. What can we do? How about we start looking for cheaper alternatives? Remember that place that Dad stayed for rehab (an awful place!)? I know that place is a bit cheaper." Maybe some would consider that 'playing dirty' by using that method, but it helps her see that she does have some control of her life. She drives me batty sometimes, but when I'm particularly sideways with her. I have to take a deep breath and remember that she controls very little in her life and she's got very little she can do to change that.
Hang in there. I understand. This is a roller coaster that isn't any fun for any of us.
Has this been mostly since she has lost so much of her independence?
Can you make decisions and have the decisions announced by your husband or someone else? Obviously there are lots of immediate decisions you must make day to day that can't wait for someone else to get involved, but postponing those suggestions/decisions that can be dealt with later might reduce the conflict. (Maybe.)
It sounds like your mother trusts you to love her forever and she feels like she doesn't have to be on her best behavior with you. You'll accept her the way she is. Try to take that as the compliment that it is.
Can you give an example of the kind of argument you and Mom have? Maybe someone will have specific suggestions for that.