My mother had full blown Alzheimer’s before he came to live with us . He’s getting really bad and can hardly walk. I have a full time caregiver to help, but at night he either gets up every two hours thinking he needs to pee. If I give him his sleeping meds it knocks him out but he pees the bed every night. I’m exhausted. I want to put him in a facility but I feel so guilty . Why should I feel this way ? I keep telling myself I can’t do this but maybe I need to pull up my big girl panties and quit complaining?
Best of luck.
in order to get him the care he needs. He’s much better off in the care of professionals. Why beat yourself up when you’re clearly doing what’s best for HIM? You can visit him often and spend your time enjoying whatever time he has left rather than gritting your teeth and crying in the closet where you hope he won’t hear you.
First of all, the words we tell ourselves have incredible power over us. They get somehow engraved into our brains.
I would encourage you to change out your G-words.
Guilt is something that evil people often fail to feel for their wrongdoing, because they are--well--evil. They enjoy doing wrong and hurting people. They take delight in causing pain.
I doubt that is you.
Guilt infers RESPONSIBILITY, meaning you CAUSED this.
You didn't cause your elder's failure, did you?
GRIEF is the correct G-word. You are standing witness to pain and loss and you cannot fix it. It is ruining your own life as your elder sinks into it, and you cannot stop that loss either. So it is ALL GRIEF. This is well WORTH grieving over. BUT throwing your own life on to the funeral pyre of your elder and burning it to ashes won't help your elder, and it will waste your one life.
You are not god. It is a kind of hubris to think you are the "answer" to this.
You are not a Saint, and it's a bad job description.
You are a human being with limitations. Please embrace them. Be honest with your loved one that you cannot go on, and then mourn that together with him. Allow yourself to spill the tears that you deserve in this sadness.
I am sorry, but you do truly know that I am right.
This is a choice no one can make for you. It's one you must make and must own like the grownup that you now are. And the pain will be deep. There is no way around that. The path is through it.
Again, I am so sorry.