Mom has been a check writer for all bills since dad passed 10 yrs ago. Lately she’s been writing checks with wrong amounts etc, paying bills twice, being bombarded with calls and mail regarding all kinds of warranties that are needed, questionable charges, forgetting to pay bills, etc. she’s very frugal and likes to track all money activities and lately has been stressing unnecessarily. Now she is not trusting herself and ready to hand over to me. Where do we begin? Should her billing address be changed to mine? Should I get my name added on the checks so I can sign? Should I set her accounts for online billing? Do I need to do something with her bank institution? She wants control still but not the responsibility. I recently have her accepting the fact that it is time for assisted living. She still wants to be independent in some respects not always accepting responsibility. Please tell me what steps I need to take and what I should be concerned about. I have the power of attorney so I must be accountable for all financial decisions and transactions. What’s the best way to do this? Your suggestions and advice is greatly appreciated.
I also got her in the habit if she answered the phone and didn't know the person calling, she was to say "My daughter handles that" and hang up. All her utilities and any other regular bills had my phone number if Mom failed to pay her bill. My POA was filed with every doctor she had.
Please prepare your mind that as she becomes more forgetful and her cognitive challenges increase, she may become paranoid and accusatory, as often happens. So, there may be no "easing" as is hoped for. My suggestion would be for her to have a debit card attached to a bank account that has a controlled amount of funds in it (small amount). So when she wishes to spend she can use that card but when the money is gone before the month is up, it won't get replenished. I would go into her mail and sort out everything that is an appeal for money (or go online and begin taking her name off mailing lists) or have the mail all go to you and you can pass it on to her after vetting it. You can print out and show her monthly statements so she can see where her money is going (my mom does this).
Depending on her financial health, if there's any chance she might need Medicaid in the future, you need to be aware of what types of transactions Medicaid will scrutinize since many states have a 5-year "look back" time frame for the application. You can easily inadvertently cause her to be delayed or disqualified if you don't handle transactions (above a certain dollar amount) properly so be sure to go to the website for Medicaid and read up on this.