I brought my mother to live with me 5 years ago. It’s been nonstop. She is incapable of doing anything. I’m suffocating and I feel like I just want to run away with no forwarding address . I do not see any avenues. I have no help from my family. They all deserted me and left me with this. It’s been 24/7, 5 years. She now goes to a daycare 3 days and I want to add on 2 making it 5 days. Just the fact that she is here in my home and under our nose everyday makes me sick. I wish I never did this and don’t feel the least bit bad about saying it. I gave up my job to do this. I get no money and my husband is paying for everything. I actually now really cannot stand her. I can’t handle her voice and everything about her.
so true.
i had no idea, until well...it happened.
i immediately volunteered, jumping up and down like a happy puppy, to help with whatever problem. of course i'll help, because i adore my parents.
i divided up the work, spoke with my siblings, asked their opinion, asked politely if they could please do B, C, while i do A...
i had no idea they would do nothing.
1 brother...(so baddd), again and again said, "yes i promise i'll do B + C!"
and then he never did.
this made things much worse, because my parents and i believed him. B + C were administrative/fairly urgent problems, and they kept being pushed back. this had very bad consequences. but my brother kept promising he'll do it.
now i know he had no intention to do it.
he just didn't want to look bad.
i ended up having to do B, C, D, E, F....
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i wish us all lots of courage, dealing with silly people.
i wish us to be surrounded by kind, loving people.
hug!!
:)
and i wish us all a wonderful weekend!! :)
Option B: If A is not an option due to cost or lack of quality home you can afford, then I suggest you take some long staycations in an Airbnb and replace yourself with a live-in caregiver every two months or so. (This is what I do).
Option C: Some homes have respite services (much like those for pets). Periodically put her in one for a few weeks.
Option D: If you don't have the money for either of those options then I suggest talking to all the family and friends you have about covering for you for a period time and going with Option B. You can find very affordable Airbnbs; even if it's just three nights and four days, you can have time for yourself. It's Self Care; You absolutely need to do that.
[For the record, I'm in a similar situation. I have moved into my father's home to care for him. My father cannot move at all (dead weight) and refuses to get into the Hoyer lift (I manage a team of caregivers who lift him with a belt; eventually someone quits and I go on to find another).]
Remember: Self Care is a must to survive this.
Peace.