I've been the family caregiver my whole life. Told to take care of younger siblings. Then my parents divorced, and I tried to provide financial and emotional support to both parents. Then my mom got cancer and I took her to all her appointments. Then my grandmother needed help, too. Then my father had a stroke, and I also managed all his care and his home. It's been almost 6 years since he passed, and I still feel angry and resentful with my siblings.
My sisters don't show me any respect, care, or consideration. Made to feel like the family scapegoat. I tried so hard to be selfless and it has meant nothing.
Is it hopeless? Should I live with this estrangement and indifference?
obviously, if they ever cared before ? They won’t ever ! So direct your thoughts and life to things that make YOU happy ! And let them go their way ! One day their chickens will come home to roost and they will need help - remind them if they ask you that you have stopped being a caregiver! They’re turn !
It sounds to me that you done all this caregiving then expect your siblings to give you what you want? You're feeling sorry for yourself and you need to let it go. Not everyone are caregivers and can't begin to know what you've done. So be proud of yourself for all the wonderful, helpful, kind, loving and generous things you've done to help your loved ones and let the rest go. It's not your business to know what others think of you or even if they like you. Most important, you've got to learn to be your own best friend. Good luck.
Very patronizing and condescending to the OP
Live well...that is the best revenge! Only you would know what this means for you personally. Make a list and check it twice!
Amen...
I doubt it.
So the burden, the weight of the anger, resentment are weighing you down.
It effects you more than it does them.
Why give them power like that over your body, mind, soul?
Take a shower or bath. Let the feelings of anger and resentment wash away.
(gee sounds easy right. If it were that easy I just put a whole lot of therapists out of work)
You have to flip that switch in your mind and ...this is going to be the hard part...forgive them. You do not have to voice it to them if you don't want to but in your heart and mind forgive. I did not say forgive and forget.
The Serenity Prayer helps a lot in all sorts of situations. In a nut shell
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.
If you have to, if you think it will help you could talk to a therapist and talk out your anger, frustration and resentment. It has been a long time to carry these feelings.
((hugs, may you find peace))
Then be grateful for the new opportunity to care for yourself now!
I am curious - what does 'being selfless' mean to you?
I personally dislike the word selfless. (Why have less self?) I also dislike the work selfish. But I DO like the term self-care. It is self*respecting*.
Maybe with self-love, you may love your own traits, forgive the others for being who they are & avoid astrangement. Happy day to you.
I agree with you and self care and self respect and self love are important.
Appreciate your kind answer.
I would consider getting help. Tell your therapist going in exactly what you told us. Comb through new ways of living,new goals, new boundaries to protect yourself. It's clear to us here you value, your WORTH, from all you have done. Now it needs to get clear for YOU in your own head. Once it is there, you will no longer need the evaluation of others.
I surely do wish you the very best. I hope you will update us as you explore new ways of being. There are people out there who are good, kind and loving. Go get em!