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Let it go ! It’s only hurting you !
obviously, if they ever cared before ? They won’t ever ! So direct your thoughts and life to things that make YOU happy ! And let them go their way ! One day their chickens will come home to roost and they will need help - remind them if they ask you that you have stopped being a caregiver! They’re turn !
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cdnreader Jul 2022
Thank you. Wanting people to care has been my downfall. I need to do better.:-)
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You might not like what I have to say so I'm sorry...
It sounds to me that you done all this caregiving then expect your siblings to give you what you want? You're feeling sorry for yourself and you need to let it go. Not everyone are caregivers and can't begin to know what you've done. So be proud of yourself for all the wonderful, helpful, kind, loving and generous things you've done to help your loved ones and let the rest go. It's not your business to know what others think of you or even if they like you. Most important, you've got to learn to be your own best friend. Good luck.
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anytown Jul 2022
You might not like what I have to say either, so I'm sorry...

Very patronizing and condescending to the OP
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You have a kind and generous heart. Unfortunately, others in your family do not. Stop expecting the milk of kindness to come from stone. Find those that will love and care for you as you need and deserve. Remain friendly with the other family members but stop expecting them to act differently. If this feeling remains for more than a few weeks, please consider seeing a counsellor to process these emotions and get to an emotionally healthier place.
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cdnreader Jul 2022
Thank you Taarna. Appreciate it.:-)
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You can only control yourself. When you do things with the expectation that others have a response that makes you feel better, you put all your power outside of yourself. I think deep down, that people can feel this - and give you the opposite of the reaction you deeply want. You will not, can not, get your sense of self met by anyone other than yourself. You can’t change them, and denying that truth, denying any truth and wishing it were different is just going to cause you suffering. The best thing you can do is find an inner peace, figure out why you strive so much for outside validation and then decide that all of your caretaking strengthened you in a way. I know it sounds hard, but flip the switch and decide that you benefitted by doing the right thing and caretaking for the ones you loved. Your siblings missed that chance and they can’t ever get it back.
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cdnreader Jul 2022
Thank you, Kim. I hear you and I will try.:-)
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Good Morning,

Live well...that is the best revenge! Only you would know what this means for you personally. Make a list and check it twice!

Amen...
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cdnreader Jul 2022
I'll try, my friend.:-)
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Does your hurt, your anger, resentment effect your siblings at all?
I doubt it.
So the burden, the weight of the anger, resentment are weighing you down.
It effects you more than it does them.
Why give them power like that over your body, mind, soul?
Take a shower or bath. Let the feelings of anger and resentment wash away.
(gee sounds easy right. If it were that easy I just put a whole lot of therapists out of work)
You have to flip that switch in your mind and ...this is going to be the hard part...forgive them. You do not have to voice it to them if you don't want to but in your heart and mind forgive. I did not say forgive and forget.
The Serenity Prayer helps a lot in all sorts of situations. In a nut shell
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference.

If you have to, if you think it will help you could talk to a therapist and talk out your anger, frustration and resentment. It has been a long time to carry these feelings.
((hugs, may you find peace))
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cdnreader Jun 2022
It's so true. My sisters don't care and can't even bother to say sorry. I appreciate your kind and helpful words. Thank you for your compassion. (((hugs)))
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Don't wait for their applause & pats on the back. You didn't help to get their praise afterall. You did it because you felt called to. Some are called to teaching, some to healing professions, others for charity work. You heeded your calling. Be proud of yourself & thank yourself today. Tell yourself well done.

Then be grateful for the new opportunity to care for yourself now!

I am curious - what does 'being selfless' mean to you?

I personally dislike the word selfless. (Why have less self?) I also dislike the work selfish. But I DO like the term self-care. It is self*respecting*.

Maybe with self-love, you may love your own traits, forgive the others for being who they are & avoid astrangement. Happy day to you.
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cdnreader Jun 2022
I thought selfless meant putting everyone else first. It was wrong of me to have no boundaries. Being taken for granted and blamed and treated like a nobody has been hurtful.

I agree with you and self care and self respect and self love are important.

Appreciate your kind answer.
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Did you do all this caregiving because you wanted to? Did you expect your siblings to be super grateful and appreciate you because you were being selfless? Sorry, but I guess that has not worked out so well. Maybe they are just rude. I would consider living with the estrangement and focus on improving the parts of your life that you can control. Do the things that bring you happiness.
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cdnreader Jun 2022
I think you're right. I did expect my siblings to be super grateful and to treat me with more consideration. It was a mistake and had only lead to me being hurt and sad and depressed. I know I need to do a better job of caring for myself now.
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We have basically two chances at family. The one we are born into and the one that we make for ourselves. After all this trying to be validated and vindicated I think it is time to move on and build your own family of caring and loving souls. We often act in habitual ways because while they are torturous they are at least representing for us "the known". There is nothing scarier than taking another path, trying something different. In all truth we sometimes don't even know HOW to do it, so we keep on like the old mill pony, going in circles carrying the load, wearied and in pain.
I would consider getting help. Tell your therapist going in exactly what you told us. Comb through new ways of living,new goals, new boundaries to protect yourself. It's clear to us here you value, your WORTH, from all you have done. Now it needs to get clear for YOU in your own head. Once it is there, you will no longer need the evaluation of others.
I surely do wish you the very best. I hope you will update us as you explore new ways of being. There are people out there who are good, kind and loving. Go get em!
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cdnreader Jun 2022
Thank you Alva. (((hugs)))
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