SO, this is the second time that calls from the ALF have caused me more anxiety than I should have to deal with. I have repeatedly asked them NOT to call me unless it is an extreme emergency when it comes to Dad. I already have to ignore at least 6 calls every morning from Dad, but get worried when I see a call from the ALF first thing in the morning. C'mon. The man is 87 years old with advanced stage COPD. An early morning call from the ALF makes me panic a little (Did dad die in his sleep ). Then, it's like pulling teeth to get someone on the phone to find out WHAT's going on. I don't want to go through the emotional roller coaster for a "Your Dad's tank isn't working". Tuesday it was "Your Dad's tank isn't working, so he can't go to the Adult Day Center". I didn't have time to manage it, so I called Hospice and never heard back. I caught up with Dad's hospice nurse yesterday and followed up on the Oxygen situation, and no one seemed to know WHAT happened Tuesday. I assumed Dad stayed at the ALF, but the hospice nurse said he saw Dad when he returned from the ALF, so I have no idea if he went or not. I just let it go. I just spent the last 25 minutes chasing down the ALF staff only to discover that Dad has already gone to the Adult Day Center. So, my hands are shaking. I can't think, and I am WEEKS behind on a project at work because this crap ruins my concentration. It's hard to design a curriculum when you're constantly on the phone or keep getting interrupted, Is there anyone here that has SUCCESSFULLY managed a full time job and caregiving? I'm nowhere near retirement age, and if I had to quit or go part time the resentment would be catastrophic. ...going to grab a cup of coffee and try to regroup. Goodness!!!
Once she was in NH, they only called if she had pneumonia or they wanted permission to send her to the hospital for some other issue.
I think that your dad is in the wrong level of care if you are having to be so involved in the day to day operations. Or just the wrong facility.
Doctor prescribed MC for her. I transferred her to MC and she immediately seemed more relaxed and content. I stayed away for a week, per their recommendation. She was so much better. In almost 4 years, I have never gotten any phone call from them, except when she was being taken to ER or doctor, to inform me of their parties/celebrations, etc. They are equipped to handle her needs and its shows. She gets excellent care and I am so relieved. They take her care seriously and do not rely on me to do their job.
My demented WWII uncle was happiest in the "crummy" VA facility an hour and a half from family. They got his meds right. He had other old vets to talk to and sing with.
Why you? Because you are volunteering to be tortured.
Sorry if that seems really hurtful. But you are going on assumptions, based on how YOU would feel.
You might think the VA facility is crummy but your dad may not? Ask some of the other residents visitors.
Just a thought
Hugs
What place have you put dad on a list for?
It's not a matter of "we" affording anythng. It's what DAD can afford.
The staff who work there love it! My husband works in tandem with the VA home and his contact there said the biggest problem they have with the residents is getting them to leave the campus area because they have everything anyone could want right there! But there is an elevated walkway/crosswalk the residents can easily maneuver that drops them on the gorgeous beach! Numerous shuttles, it’s got it all. Including a waiting list, so immediately if not sooner, apply and get on the list!!!
It might not be what you need but I think people should be made aware of it.
Uh?
What part of the Dad Project is simple? Other than that it's simply insoluble, I mean.
Was it DynoTape? - that stuff we used to print out laboriously, letter by letter, onto sticky-backed plastic strips and then realise you'd accidentally called yourself Kane Knoes instead of Jane Jones, all over your pencil case...
Anyway. Nowadays they're much better and I believe you can revise them before printing. Get one of those, print a label that says "for service and assistance, call 0XX0 xxx xxxx" and stick it on the oxygen doings. That might save you at least a phone call or two that you don't need to be taking.
And do that for any other of the repetitive tasks that *other people* are being *paid* *by you* to *deal with.*
Unfortunately, no one else cares and I was the one who got stuck with him. I hate it, but I can't be cruel. This causes codependent hell.
The ALF is increasing their rent again, and I can't afford that. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish it would all just stop.
(in the whiniest voice ever...) WHY ME?!?!?!
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