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I wasn't being humorous. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Hidden and outright criticisms. Fortunately I'm terrible at reading between the lines or knowing subtleties. The words I quoted is my way of subtly telling them that one day they will be in an NH. They may not Get It but trust me the words will circulate. It could backfire on your though. When I read your latest updates, I was angry and frustrated with their continual actions....
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bee, why have you always tiptoed around your inlaws? What can they really do to you? I really think your husband needs to stand up for you against them and set some boundaries. It does not sound like reconciliation is a real probability.
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I would print out this thread, give a copy to hubby and mail a copy to the in laws. I cannot imagine why you are putting up with these people! Were they always close with your Mom? Would love to have a chat with your hubby!

These are toxic people and should be removed from any dealings with your family.
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I don't want to make excuses for my in-law, but it is likely that they are manipulated by my mother, even if her mind iis not what it used to be. It would make total sense that she paints herself as a victim of her evil, power-hungry daughter and begs my in-laws to keep a close watch on her. She has always used my strained relationship with them to hurt me (praising them to me and reproaching me for my behaviour to them, yet also dissing them whenever she had the chance). One of the strongest reasons I have for not cutting off ties with them entirely is that I know how pleased my mother would be about it. I have seen her poison too many relationships.
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bee, I am sorry to hear that. This situation sounds like one of those toxic sick ones that is beyond description.

Backing way far back from all of this drama, how are you and your husband doing?

What are each of you doing to detox from the ever present toxicity so that ya'll are not overloading each other emotionally or driving others away because of being constantly on edge.

If you don't already have some effective means of detoxing, I'd suggest both of you see a therapist separately to discharge the emotional toxic dust that one can't help but pick up when dealing with stuff like this.

With your mother living in a nursing home for about a year now and you've got your in-law's dynamic figured out, you can focus more on taking care of you, your life, your marriage, your future and take no enemies when it comes to maintaining your boundaries.

Love, prayers and hugs. Take care and keep in touch.
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Bee, kudos to you for being aware of your mom's role in this dance.
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Bee sounds as though both sides diserve each other so don't get caught in the crossfire and take care of you and hubby. i bet there is a lot hubby has not told you about his upbringing. After 50+ years of marriage my bubby ahs told a lot recently.
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sorry "take no enemies" was meant to say "take no prisoners"

I've come up with a new one liner for couples in the midst of such caregiving wars.

"Married folks "love the one you're with", "dam the torpedoes" in the way, and "take no prisoners" in dealing with the mess at hand!"

Take care!
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