My in laws live across the country. They will not be able to attend the real memorial in 4 weeks due to health. They basically don't travel anymore. So they decided they would have the preacher and 2 other family members to their house for a memorial. My husband would absolutely hate this and it wasn't his wishes. Son and myself are not attending and he is having trouble dealing with the added pressure of his grandfather emailing asking what he wants.
Is this odd or am I just annoyed for no reason?
I am sorry for your loss.
I think that you are now dealing with the grief of losing your husband, and planning your memorial service for him, that you're forgetting that he was their son as well as your husband.
Now that doesn't mean that you nor your son have to attend if you don't want to. Or you can attend by Zoom, if that is easier for you. But by all means let them say goodbye to their son in whatever way they see fit. They are grieving too.
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will grant you His peace and comfort in the days and weeks ahead.
As mentioned by others, they've lost their son, and that's no doubt devastating for them. You lost your husband, and your son lost his dad. Everyone has their own particular brand of grief to endure, and it'd be kind for you to all be supportive of one another rather than feel like it's a competition or not what your husband would have wanted. No one's grief is bigger than anyone else's, although I'd give your son the edge because he had the least amount of time with him.
Be kind, always.
I'm sorry for everyone's loss.
You are needing to grieve your loss. And supporting your son through this will be difficult.
It is not unusual for in-laws to have their own memorial service. But why are they pressuring your son? What do they want from him? And how does that differ from what you want for him?
Notice the difference: They might want something from your son.
You might want something for your son. We don't know anyone's motivations.
Focus on your own grief, and anger, not allowing any of this to interfere with the relationship between you and your son. In other words, I wish you peace about it.
Again, sorry for your loss.
Be glad that they are choosing to remember their son. This isn’t taking away from your memorial service. It’s fine to have two of them. I truly feel that your husband is at peace now and certainly wouldn’t mind this at all.
Wishing you peace during this difficult period in your time.
Even if you are correct, you can’t control what they do. It may be in your son’s best interests to stay on good terms with his grandparents, so it’s probably better to let him do things his own way. But no, it’s not ‘odd’. Because of Covid, many families have been restricted to a small funeral with few people attending, and plan to have another memorial service later. Migrants sometimes have double services, so that family in both places can have a service. And I think second wedding ceremonies are a bit odd, but they still happen!
Try not to let this prey on your mind. It simply doesn’t matter.
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