My parents are in their 80's and have my 48-year-old handicapped sister living with them. They are still able to take care of her but live in a home that has steps to get into. We have been looking for a place for them to live but everywhere we look you have to be 55 or older to move into. They are very independent yet and able to take care of themselves but would like somewhere that all 3 of them could move into that is handicapped accessible. ANY IDEAS?
I had a cousin about 10 years older than I. He had mild MR and was legally blind. My aunt and uncle kept him home and protected all their lives. He grew up in the late 50s when children with disabilities didn't have the right to a free, appropriate education. When they moved to Independent Living, he moved with them. One day, my uncle died of a heart attack. About 6 months later, my aunt was found dead on her kitchen floor. My cousin, who was healthy and about 55 years old, ended up dying less than a year later, probably because of a broken heart. He had been taken care of all of his life and had no way to learn how to live on his own.
I adopted a son with Down Syndrome when he was 12. Everyone was happy for me but a few wise friends told me that when he graduated from school, he would need to move out into his own home. When the time came, I found him a 24 HCBS waiver home with 2 wonderful roommates and great staff. I bawled my eyes out after taking him over there the first time (and still struggle with not having him with me). That was over a year ago. Now he tells me when he wants to come over for a night, I talk with him daily, and see him at least once a week. He has friends, he has a job (sheltered workshop). He gets a (teeny-tiny) paycheck. He has activities on a regular basis to get out into the community. He loves his life!
If it is not too hard, could you find a similar place for your sister? You do have to think ahead for the time when she will not be able to live with your parents. Depending on her level of disability, there are different levels of care, from hourly care to 24/7, which my son receives. Do take time finding the right agency and the right placement for her, but there are so many opportunities for individuals with disabilities today that I think it would be worth the work to get her on a waiver program (if she is not already) and get her settled into a great place. She hopefully has many happy years ahead!
What is the plan for your sister when your parents die, or are no longer able to take care of her? Would they feel good about seeing her settled into a new situation now, while they could visit her and ease her transition? Would she be better off adjusting to a new environment now instead of being forced to deal with that when she is also mourning for her parents?
I am just raising the possibility that at this point finding a place for the three of them might not be the best long-term solution. Obviously I don't know the details of the situation so this is just a suggestion to think about.