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Thank you so much for the responses. I knew that anxiety wasn't contagious in the way a cold or flu can be contagious but wondered if being around highly anxious people can make others anxious as well.

Everything you said makes so much sense. I really do need to develop some strategies for getting some distance. I feel like I am being sucked dry and it's affecting my mental and physical health. Getting back to some of my own interests is a great idea because I gave them up when I took on caregiving responsibilities. I have been walking on the treadmill at home but maybe going outside for a walk will be better. I have been considering looking into counseling to help me deal with my feelings about the changes in my life associated with caring for my mother.

Thanks for the empathy and suggestions. I am going to start putting them into practice!
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Yes, anxiety is contagious. My mother is a major worrier. I tell her she would worry the whiskers off a cat. She has generalized anxiety disorder and makes me nervous. And when I'm nervous, it makes my rabbit nervous. It's like she can sense it when I'm tense.

The best tranquilizer for me when I'm nervous is to go on a walk. Even a short walk helps so much.
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Hi Loves. My mother had so much anxiety that she absolutjy made everyone around her anxious. She was what I called Hyper vigilant in her later years. Always ready to point out what might go wrong. She was also very intelligent and was usually right. My sister would get so upset with my mother that she insisted at times that my mother take at least half of an anxiety tablet. My sister reasoned that one of them needed to be medicated and since my mom was causing the anxiety, she should be the one to take the pill. My mother steadfastly refused for the most part. So it might not be contagious but one persons anxiety does affect another's. In dealing with my mother it was always good to have everything that might cause her anxiety, such as a trip to the doctor, well thought out in advance. That's not the same as telling her in advance, as that would be more days of listening to all the pitfalls. And yes, you are anticipating because you know it's coming. If your mother has you trained like our mother had us trained, it's very easy to just obey the many requests and respond to all the concerns. At first. Then you notice you can't think straight because you have abandoned your own mind in favor of hers. So boundaries are important. Think of your emotions like a sponge. Every now and then you need to step away and wring out the sponge. One of the best ways to do this is with a brisk walk. About 30 min a day will do it. You can listen to one of your books on tape if you can't get yourself to do it otherwise. Even 10 min at a time will work but shoot for a total of 30 min a day. She won't like this either but she will see that you come back and it is good for you both. ( it's also good for her to walk or have therapy) About the doctor. I know it's popular to pass a note to the doctors staff advising of things you don't want to discuss in front of your mom. I've done that too with various family members. However, with my mom, I would just tell the doctor what I saw on a routine basis as opposed to the false picture being painted on the visit. I think it helped her see and hear how her anxiety affected others and that it was a real condition that could be treated. Write down everything you want to bring up. Pull out the list. It will give you courage to discuss it. Make a rule. If it's on the list you have to discuss it. If it provokes her anxiety then the doctor will get a more realistic look at his patient.
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If you're responsible for your mother's care, I think there's a type of anxiety that develops primarily from this added responsibility. For me, it increases in winter as I plan for emergencies - power failure which would affect 24/7 need for oxygen, car breakdowns, packing the car with emergency supplies (will all those blankets really be enough if the car breaks down and won't start?), and other winter issues that could cause havoc for someone in his late 90's.

I find myself more relieved when we've segued into warmer weather and the threat of catastrophic winter events are no longer an issue.

I think a certain level of anxiety is to be anticipated when you have responsibility for someone who's older and vulnerable.
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I definitely think it's possible that you're on the edge of your seat anticipating your mom's questions and concerns. That must be an awful feeling for you.

It's not unusual for an elderly person to put on a show for a Dr. or other relatives or friends. And if we've shared our experiences with Dr.'s and friends and then our loved one comes across completely normal and appropriate to them we look like fools that can't be trusted. Another frustrating aspect of caregiving.

But to answer your question, anxiety isn't contagious but I think being around someone who is anxious all the time is bound to peak our own anxiety to a certain point. My daughter suffers from anxiety and concentrating on her breathing helps her. Taking deep breaths and really feeling the air going in through the nose and through the lungs and back out the mouth is helpful to her. Be aware of your breathing. How does it sound when you inhale? What does it feel like as it fills your lungs? Instead of exhaling in a big breath let it out slowly through your mouth. My daughter does this and soon she starts to feel better.

Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Judging from your screen name I know you love books. I do too. I love to read. Can getting involved with a good book help distance you from your mom for a bit and help alleviate some of your anxiety?

If you try to control your anxiety and find that it doesn't help a trip to your Dr. might not be a bad idea. We always suggest that we contact our loved one's Dr. if their symptoms change but that has to be the same for us as well. You've begun to have anxiety related to your mom's living with you. It's bad enough that you've reached out for help and suggestions here, isn't it bad enough to warrant a trip to your Dr.?
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