I don't have children but even after years of caring for an elderly parent, I still find it hard to make all these decisions for care for another person, like chosing the right doctors, dentists, making medicial choices, when to push for certain behaviors and when to let it go etc. I get anxiety and stressed, wondering if I am doing the right thing. I wonder if caregiving comes easier for certain personality types or those with a certain attitude or the reality is that caring for elderly on your own is a really hard job. Do those of you who had children and now care for parents find it the same or harder dealing with the basics?
He would hear the birds sing and say 'mommy, the birds sound happy today. I AM HAPPY TOO!' She cried often for all the things he missed in life, but he enjoyed the life he had. I can remember him playing his little record player - he had favorite records and would sing along. He was a loving, appreciative baby/child for 30 years. He had an easy smile. He was a joy to her - even though she cared for him without much help. No services. Even her hubby left his care to her.
My mother in law is negative, demanding and selfish. The sun can shine and she will find something wrong with it. She has her 'better days' - but they are few and far between. We think she may have had more than the one stroke she told us about. Her personality seems to have changed in the last two years. Whether it is age related dementia or caused by small strokes, we don't know. But, the effects are there just the same. Once in a while she thanks me and I think 'maybe I CAN GO ON' - but her good days don't last. It is more like a good 'few minutes' once in a while.
One comment that was right on the point was (paraphrased) "that most persons parenting children have more energy and strength to handle their care." Time passes for us too, and we lose the ability to caregive in the same capacity for elders. More and more of us are not getting a respite after "launching" our children before we are taking over care for an elder in our family. If society & lawmakers think that So. Security and Elder Services are doing "enough" then they need to re-evaluate. There are more needing help than there are "helps in place." This issue should become the new "poster child" for agencies like the Peace Corps, Youth in Action, and other agencies that do training/job placement for young persons just out of high school. Train more persons in nursing and geriatric needs. Make it a strong and compelling choice, just like going into the military is for young people. Focus on the issues within our nation or you will lose the quality of a generation of workers who need to focus on being productive and earning, paying taxes, ect.
After this experience, I had a face to face with both of my grown sons, thanking them for never bringing the police to my door.
Compared to my father, raising 2 sons to adulthood was a piece of cake. I would raise them over again if I could. My dad....I am not so sure, over the last 30 years he has gotten way more in free work and attention than the 17 years he gave me under his roof.