I spent none of my own money on my mother until she was on Medicaid. She did live with me for 20 months but she had a house, for sale, that needed to be maintained. Her SS went for that. Her small pension of $200 a month, went to what she needed thru the month. I never felt guilty for using her money on her. Thats what its there for.
My Mom lives in the house next to us, which she sold to us at FMV. We charge her only what it costs to own and maintain the house (prop taxes, insurance, utilities, etc) so we don't profit off of her. She gets a rent invoice from me every month that line items what her rent pays for. If we were renting to a stranger we'd be getting twice to 3x the amount in rent.
I also grocery shop for her and make at least 60% of her meals so I have a separate monthly withdrawal for her share of groceries. Her SS barely covers any of this but she doesn't have many other expenses or needs anymore at 95.
I am basically her on-call caregiver (and now chauffer) who allows her to live semi-independently and comfortably in her home.
This plus, the cost of living nowadays, is necessary and more than fair.
My tale below was just to show how beliefs can differ, especially across generations. Cultures too.
I personally think it is fair for an adult to pay their way. Housing, bills, food, medicine all cost. It may be hard to calculate 'care' costs, but hopefully you can find a suitable amount that seems fair.
When you turn 50, you quit paid work & the grown child of your choosing must take you in. Provide your housing, cook for you (only meals you like) drive you everywhere & keep you entertained. Of course pay for everything! The parent spent their time & money on that child for 20 or so years. An investment - this allows them to live for free and have their grown children as servants later. This is how it is.
PS This is what my friend's Mother told him - all his life.
These long held views caused him much guilt & grief.
You don't owe your mother anything. Take her in only if you want to, otherwise, resentment builds from feeling obligated. Parents have children because we want them....its our privilege and or job to care for them and raise them to be productive citizens of society. As parents, it's also our job to plan for old age, to save $$$, etc. So of course it's ok and standard to charge rent to your mom. If 4 people live in your home, mom would pay 1/4 of the monthly bills. You can also add on more for caregiving.
ALL household expenses should be divided. If there are 3 adults then ALL the expenses get divided by 3. If it is a husband, wife and 3 kids and mom moves in then the expenses get divided by 6 and m om pays 1/6 or all expenses. AND if mom is in need of a caregiver and you take on that role then you get paid for the care that you give. All this should be worked out and agreed upon BEFORE mom moves in. And there should be a WRITTEN agreement for both the expenses and for caregiving.
Oh, by ALL household expenses I am also talking about Insurance, property taxes, mortgage, water, sewer, garbage, newspaper, cable. And if you go on vacation mom pays for Respite stay in a local facility or pays for an increase of caregivers for the time you are gone.
What about tax? That's a different issue from 'fair' (and yes of course it's fair - why should it be free). I think that sharing out-of-pocket costs (food, power, etc) isn’t hypothetical ‘income’, for tax purposes, but I’m not sure about the charge for care. I hope someone with more knowledge of USA tax will chime in here. Also about Medicare – you may need to document this some way that it doesn’t look as though M is ‘gifting’ you the money, just in case she needs Medicaid in the future.
Hi SharShar - I'll put it this way ....I think it's UNFAIR for a parent to actually think otherwise. To feel so entitled as to think that they shouldn't have planned for their senior years, and if one of their children is so thoughtful and selfless in taking them into their home and take care of them, then absolutely, it is Beyond Fair to pay them. There's consideration of rent/care/food, etc.
I spent none of my own money on my mother until she was on Medicaid. She did live with me for 20 months but she had a house, for sale, that needed to be maintained. Her SS went for that. Her small pension of $200 a month, went to what she needed thru the month. I never felt guilty for using her money on her. Thats what its there for.
I also grocery shop for her and make at least 60% of her meals so I have a separate monthly withdrawal for her share of groceries. Her SS barely covers any of this but she doesn't have many other expenses or needs anymore at 95.
I am basically her on-call caregiver (and now chauffer) who allows her to live semi-independently and comfortably in her home.
This plus, the cost of living nowadays, is necessary and more than fair.
I personally think it is fair for an adult to pay their way. Housing, bills, food, medicine all cost. It may be hard to calculate 'care' costs, but hopefully you can find a suitable amount that seems fair.
PS This is what my friend's Mother told him - all his life.
These long held views caused him much guilt & grief.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
AND if mom is in need of a caregiver and you take on that role then you get paid for the care that you give.
All this should be worked out and agreed upon BEFORE mom moves in. And there should be a WRITTEN agreement for both the expenses and for caregiving.
Oh, by ALL household expenses I am also talking about Insurance, property taxes, mortgage, water, sewer, garbage, newspaper, cable. And if you go on vacation mom pays for Respite stay in a local facility or pays for an increase of caregivers for the time you are gone.