I’m trying to understand how difficult it must be and doing everything I can to help, but he has a difficult time being nice to me. We’ve been married 53 years.
A lot of people early in their dementia diagnosis, are angry, because most are all too aware of the mental changes going on with them, and it scares them. And I'm sure you're also aware that when any of us are angry we tend to take it out on the ones we love the most. So it's not unusual for your husband to be acting this way right now. Hopefully in time this stage will pass and you will be on to another stage. I wish you the very best.
Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission. They can help determine what services and benefits your husband would qualify for. And due to recent changes you CAN get paid to help care for him. And there are programs that will help you get your house adapted to he can remain in the home for as long as possible. PTSS (PTSD) is difficult enough to deal with add dementia to that and it can be almost impossible. YOU need help just as much as he does. YOU also need to keep yourself safe. If at anytime you do not feel safe you have to call 911. Tell the dispatcher that you are fearful for your safety. The person has dementia AND PTSD. You can also contact the VA and you would be connected to a counselor almost right away if this is a matter of his or your safety.
You say that your "Spouse was a POW & has PTSD…anger issues" and now dementia. If you heap dementia on TOP of his PTSD issues, I'm not surprised he's now constantly nasty, to be honest. In fact, I'd be surprised to hear that a former POW with PTSD was 'nice' to you prior to being diagnosed with dementia! PTSD is a terrible disorder for a person to deal with, and you as a spouse get to deal with all of his behavioral issues that come about as a result. My condolences on what you have on your plate to deal with.
Has your DH been to his doctor to talk about mood issues? Perhaps an anti depressant and/or anti anxiety med would be helpful. I would think he's been taking some sort of meds for the PTSD thru the years? A visit with a geriatric psychiatrist (for him) may be a good thing for BOTH of you at this point, b/c things don't tend to get better with dementia as it progresses, only worse (unfortunately).
You'll need to have a Plan B in place for the time if/when DH gets unmanageable and you can't deal with him at home anymore. Look into Memory Care Assisted Living; even if you don't place him, at least you'll have that OPTION in the back of your mind which is a good thing. Please keep in mind that dementia (and these other issues) are not just 'his' problem, but BOTH of your problem. You matter too. It's important for YOU to get out of the house and socialize with friends and have time to devote to yourself. The stress and strain of caregiving takes a huge toll, and then others tend to ask ONLY about 'him', often forgetting about you entirely, which is irritating! There are TWO people that matter here; dementia is a disease that affects everyone in the house, not just him.
Please let the doctor know about DH's moods and see if there is something that can be prescribed to help. Also, be aware if his nastiness turns ugly and he raises a hand to you. Do not hesitate to call 911; dementia can turn ugly with no warning. Just keep on the alert, is what I'm saying.
It certainly seldom makes us "easier" to live with. There is a lot of problem with early dementia with denial and anger, and with getting reminded of what we didn't remember and so on. There can be a lot of angry lashing out. Hopefully this will calm and change a bit. I am so sorry. This has to be so very difficult.
So it's not unusual for your husband to be acting this way right now. Hopefully in time this stage will pass and you will be on to another stage.
I wish you the very best.
They can help determine what services and benefits your husband would qualify for.
And due to recent changes you CAN get paid to help care for him. And there are programs that will help you get your house adapted to he can remain in the home for as long as possible.
PTSS (PTSD) is difficult enough to deal with add dementia to that and it can be almost impossible.
YOU need help just as much as he does.
YOU also need to keep yourself safe.
If at anytime you do not feel safe you have to call 911. Tell the dispatcher that you are fearful for your safety. The person has dementia AND PTSD. You can also contact the VA and you would be connected to a counselor almost right away if this is a matter of his or your safety.
Has your DH been to his doctor to talk about mood issues? Perhaps an anti depressant and/or anti anxiety med would be helpful. I would think he's been taking some sort of meds for the PTSD thru the years? A visit with a geriatric psychiatrist (for him) may be a good thing for BOTH of you at this point, b/c things don't tend to get better with dementia as it progresses, only worse (unfortunately).
You'll need to have a Plan B in place for the time if/when DH gets unmanageable and you can't deal with him at home anymore. Look into Memory Care Assisted Living; even if you don't place him, at least you'll have that OPTION in the back of your mind which is a good thing. Please keep in mind that dementia (and these other issues) are not just 'his' problem, but BOTH of your problem. You matter too. It's important for YOU to get out of the house and socialize with friends and have time to devote to yourself. The stress and strain of caregiving takes a huge toll, and then others tend to ask ONLY about 'him', often forgetting about you entirely, which is irritating! There are TWO people that matter here; dementia is a disease that affects everyone in the house, not just him.
Please let the doctor know about DH's moods and see if there is something that can be prescribed to help. Also, be aware if his nastiness turns ugly and he raises a hand to you. Do not hesitate to call 911; dementia can turn ugly with no warning. Just keep on the alert, is what I'm saying.
BEST OF LUCK!