Is it normal as a caregiver to become frustrated or impatient? I ask my Dad not to move certain things, and he tries to tell me he knows better. As soon as I leave, he ends up eventually moving it may it be right away or the next day. I become frustrated and repeat myself to him, and then I get the cold shoulder, or he walks away. Today I asked him not to walk away while I talked to him and mention how you would like it if someone walked away while you spoke to them and that it was rude. He stopped and listen, but now I feel so utterly guilty for visibly showing my frustration and repeating myself. I always end up apologizing, and it seems he plays on my emotions. I always end up feeling guilty.
On the other hand, if your father is acting rude and walking away while you are speaking to him, in my mind, it's perfectly fine for you to call him out on it! Setting down boundaries with someone is necessary, otherwise they can wind up walking all over you until you DO!
Good luck!
skin and perhaps your Dad will start to show some respect. Stop apologizing for being human. Does he apologize to you for hurting your feelings. I am 81 years old, been married for 51 years, and I feel so much hate for my mother even though she has been gone for over 20 years. But I sleep like a baby with absolutely no guilt where she is concerned. Please, please save your self from experiencing what I did. Start now, today. You are no longer the child in this relationship!!!
putting ourselves in their shoes ... loss of control of their bodies .. thoughts... forgetting everything...all the confusion...the frustration and humiliation...easy to understand why they get angry depressed and sad.
walk a mile ......shoes
Speaking of frustration, you might like this story; I’m in the midst of moving mom to AL. Many hours of work, many people helping my mom, etc...my mom can be a good woman ( which cues my guilt honestly )but she also does what I call ‘practicing ingratitude’ daily. After myself and others busting our arses so hard for her I’m just over it. She got on this kick that she’s being moved to a basement so finally I snapped, “ Nope! Not a basement! You’re being sent to a DUNGEON!” Then I thought, “ Uh oh there goes my mouth”, but she actually got the joke and laughed!
You’re all right and we’re all doing what we can...
1. A BLOCK feature to block annoying users who love to lay on the guilt trips; and
2. A DELETE feature so the OP could remove certain comments permanently
MOST of us are frustrated and impatient. That's why we vent here. If you need an understanding group of caregivers who are going through what you are going through, then consider joining the Alzheimer's/Dementia Caregiver's Support Group on Facebook. You will find plenty of frustrated and impatient people who will listen and support you.
I sanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. You may need to adjust your expectations or remove items for awhile depending on the situation.
Remember, he sees you as his child, not an authority figure. You will have to make things seem as his idea if you want to have the possibility of him changing his behavior.
“Guilt” is SO USELESS. It doesn’t help us do better or even do something differently. It just SITS there, pinching and kicking us, while our LOs keep doing what THEY DO, seeming not to feel guilty themselves, at all.
Let it go, and if you’re doing the best you can with the concern you feel for him, don’t bother to ruminate on it.
Can you simplify, or organize or put away or fasten down what he moves that you don’t want moved, so that the issue doesn’t become a guilt producer?
Whatever the situation is, if you can maneuver it before you wind up having to confront him, it’s a win-win for you.