Is it possible to use senior housing for mom with dementia?
My 91 year old mom's dementia is getting worse. She has delusions, incontinence, and is increasingly confused. Living in her home has become impossible since it is in an extremely dangerous neighborhood, and is basically falling apart because she is no longer mentally, physically, or financially able to maintain it. As her only child and POA, I've explored having her move:
- In with my family, but all parties agree that it wouldn't work because we have very different habits and she is inflexible
- To Assisted Living but the cost is impossible
- To a Nursing Home but she would have to share a room and we KNOW that it would result in her physically threatening the roommate. (This actually happened when Mom was last hospitalized.)
With that said, there is a wonderful senior housing facility nearby that would provide mom with the privacy that she needs at a price she can afford. However, I am aware that even with my family's help, her needs will make living there unassisted problematic.
Has anyone else successfully kept their LO with dementia in senior housing? If so, what kind of accommodations did you use as far as having nurses aides come in or using adult day care.
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As it is, moving her, anywhere is likely to make her dementia and behavioral issues worse, at least short term. Do you think she would allow aides in? Would she cooperate with going to a program?
Addressing the issues that are causing placement problems is your best first step.
Your description of a woman with delusions, combativeness, confusion and an inability to care for her home are all signs that your mother is past the point of independent living. For her own safety, she needs to be in a place where she will receive the care she needs.
Might she qualify for Medicaid? You might want to meet with an elder attorney to explore financial and placement options.
My mother had lived in her senior apartment for more than 25 years when she developed mild cognitive impairment. We extended her ability to stay there by arranging for Meals on Wheels, laundry, cleaning, and a visiting nurse. But as the impairment progressed, we needed to find her more help. She moved in with one daughter. That lasted a year+. But dementia keeps progressing. She needed a nursing home. She did very well there for more than 2 years, dying at age 96.
I suggest that first you get her evaluated, ideally by a geriatric psychiatrist, and take any recommendations about medications, environment, etc.
Apply for Medicaid for her. An attorney specializing in Elder Law can assist with this.
Arrange for placement in an appropriate care center.
A person with dementia cannot safely live alone beyond the earliest stage, and even at that needs a lot of support.
Would the senior housing agreement permit someone to live with her if the caregiver is not a senior?
And at some point you will have to "graduate" from a caregiver to one more skilled like a CNA.
Hired privately a CNA can administer medications but if you hire through an agency any administration of medications would have to be done by a Nurse. So the expense will go up.
As far as threatening a roommate while she was hospitalized there is a possibility that the incident was brought on simply by being hospitalized. And she may be very different once in a more calm "residential" setting.
And at this point does she need a "nursing home" or would Memory Care be an option. Usually a nursing home is for people that require more medical care, intensive wound care, 2 or more person transfer, Hoyer lift use. These are things that Memory Care could not do.
Your mother has dementia. It will only get worse. You said she has delusions, incontinence and confusion. That spells Memory Care.
Don't waste your time with the other options. She will wind up in MC eventually.
She needs an exam by a geriatric neurologist and precribed the correct medications.
Good luck- this is a hard road. Been there-done that-not easy. ☹️
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