In our situation momma fell in her house and suffered two hemotomos. After two weeks in intensive care she went into rehab and then from there to assisted living. She goes around and tells everybody that her daughter (me) and daughters husband put her away eventhough her dr said she could no longer live at home by herself.
This is a touchy subject amongst like 90% of the people we are talking about.
For MY MIL, we are simply waiting for 'the fall' that makes it impossible for her to return home safely. Since she will not allow anyone (and I mean ANYONE) in her house--it's going to be flat out awful.
I take that back, she 'lets' her daughter do everything.
It really depends on where Mom is stage wise in her Dementia. In the 22 months Mom lived with me she declined monthly. I went to the AL hoping to rent a room for respite care to go to a niece's wedding. It was 8 hrs away and at this point Mom was not going to make that trip or understand what was going on. I needed a break. When I got to the AL, I found they were having a 1/2 price sale on room and board which meant Mom had enough money for a year and if her house sold maybe another year. So we moved her in telling her we got her a new apt and she would make friends. She excepted that and adjusted very well. Same when the money ran out and had to place her in an LTC, we told her new apt.
If Mom is really into her Dementia, I would tell her nothing till we got her their. If she doesn't ask, I may not say anything. Play it by ear,
lindatyson, many of us here had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, hospital stay, then transferred to Rehab Center, than placed into a Nursing Home or Assisted Living.
The fact that she is currently living in Independent Living the transition to Skilled Nursing should be a bit easier than if she were living with you or in her own home. With the dementia you can explain but it probably will not be retained. Hopefully the place she is moving is in the same building so it should be easier. Set up the room as best as you can. (If she is on Hospice they can help get the equipment moved if any of that is from Hospice) If it is possible to take her out for a lunch while everything is moved that might be easier, or bring her to lunch in the lunchroom and while you are having lunch if the things can be moved. If you are moving to a different facility that complicates things a bit. If you are moving her or if there is going to be a medical transport. Often it is easier with a medical transport. They will handle the physical aspect of moving her safely and once she reaches her new home they will see that she is settled in. I would ask the Social Worker at the new place to help facilitate the move.
Create a sense of urgency. In my case my DH aunt had a washing machine malfunction that necessitated her removal for home repairs. That’s been nine months ago and she is content and has better care than I was able to provide for her in her home. She still thinks she is coming home but let’s me know how excellent her care is. My attitude was that well we have a problem, you have to go and we have to do it today. An ambulance will be here to take you. In aunts case she was bed bound and on hospice, dementia but pretty sharp still. She is 95. The hospice arranged the ambulance and made her room ready with a hospital bed, etc. of all the issues with her care, her attitude was the easiest hurdle. if I had gone in wringing my hands and asking permission I don’t think it would have gone as smoothly. She trusts me and that has made all the difference. I could have said I needed health care for myself. Which was true.
A few days before my mom died I asked her if she wanted to go to a NH. She said well I will always want to be at home but I may need to go. She had CHF and would have benefitted as well. She really managed her own health very well when I look back on it but she was very tired. She had home health and family help and it was great for a long time but towards the end, as I said, she was very tired.
For MY MIL, we are simply waiting for 'the fall' that makes it impossible for her to return home safely. Since she will not allow anyone (and I mean ANYONE) in her house--it's going to be flat out awful.
I take that back, she 'lets' her daughter do everything.
If Mom is really into her Dementia, I would tell her nothing till we got her their. If she doesn't ask, I may not say anything. Play it by ear,
With the dementia you can explain but it probably will not be retained.
Hopefully the place she is moving is in the same building so it should be easier.
Set up the room as best as you can.
(If she is on Hospice they can help get the equipment moved if any of that is from Hospice)
If it is possible to take her out for a lunch while everything is moved that might be easier, or bring her to lunch in the lunchroom and while you are having lunch if the things can be moved.
If you are moving to a different facility that complicates things a bit. If you are moving her or if there is going to be a medical transport. Often it is easier with a medical transport. They will handle the physical aspect of moving her safely and once she reaches her new home they will see that she is settled in.
I would ask the Social Worker at the new place to help facilitate the move.
My attitude was that well we have a problem, you have to go and we have to do it today. An ambulance will be here to take you. In aunts case she was bed bound and on hospice, dementia but pretty sharp still. She is 95.
The hospice arranged the ambulance and made her room ready with a hospital bed, etc. of all the issues with her care, her attitude was the easiest hurdle.
if I had gone in wringing my hands and asking permission I don’t think it would have gone as smoothly. She trusts me and that has made all the difference.
I could have said I needed health care for myself. Which was true.
A few days before my mom died I asked her if she wanted to go to a NH. She said well I will always want to be at home but I may need to go. She had CHF and would have benefitted as well. She really managed her own health very well when I look back on it but she was very tired. She had home health and family help and it was great for a long time but towards the end, as I said, she was very tired.