I’m just about at my wits end with her. She was a raging parent while I was growing up but now has refined her skills to a passive aggressive blaming me, super negative emotional drain. She is in assisted living , other than calling her three times a week I take her to her numerous doctors appointments. She is drawing the joy from my life and dumps on me every time I call. I don’t respond much except to say “ oh, that’s too bad , or just change the subject but that becomes about her too”. She saps the joy from everything but can charm others . My sister and I diagnosed her as a narcissist- but we are not psychiatrists. One example is that she asked me what I was doing for my birthday ( shocking) in a weird unusually sweet voice- I told her we are going to the fair because I want to see the baby pigs and vegetable gardens”. Her response “ Its going to be miserably hot I went to the fair once and I’ll never go again, nothing there is interesting!” I just said “ well I love seeing the farm animals and I’ll take my umbrella for shade.” Anyway, she is 92 and has arthritis, high blood pressure ( requires constant monitoring) and kidney disease. The women in her family live well into their hundreds. She is on 9 medications , do you think the doctor can sneak another one in there. Lol
Go to one of her primary doctors appointments with her (Doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist)- and after she checks in, go back up to the counter and tell the clerk you need to talk to the nurse privately. Explain your mother’s behavior and concern for her depression and explosive behavior (if she is a narcissist, there usually is explosive behavior). The doctor can assess her and your concerns for her emotional health and prescribe her an antidepressant or and antipsychotic ~Doctors are very aware of elders sometimes difficult personalities and are very interested in helping smooth the relationships between caregivers, family and the subject. One nurse told me, “One patients daughter told me thank you for prescribing my mother a SSRI and giving me the best year of our lives together.”
I do have Guardianship over my mother, so you might have to obtain that first. My mother is very savvy about her meds and refuses to take any anti- whatever medication ~ so I have a doctors note giving me permission to crush (make sure not a time released medication) her Seraquil and put it in a nice decaffeinated vanilla latte that she enjoys (I enjoy watching her drink it even more!) every evening!
She will be moving into assisted living in a few months and the director there has been given the letter of permission and is happy to continue the evening ritual.
A long road to get guardianship- but if you want your final years to be relaxing for all concerned, including your mom… it’s worth it! My mom actually engages in conversations rather then being argumentative, she told a friend a fee days ago, “I am refusing all medications and I haven’t felt this good in years!, Im sleeping well and am happy about my life and appreciate my daughter’s help with things.” ….. Appreciates me? OMG Ive been waiting 61 years to hear these words. I was joking to my aunt the other day about how I should have been allowed to give these to her when I was 12 ~~ It would have saved me from all the screaming, backhanding and being told I was a worthless piece of S my whole life.
Good luck to you and I hope this post will help you and others who read it!
I hope to have her placed in either assisted or memory care soon as guardianship is done. I just want to make sure she's safe and cared for because after 4 years, long years, trying....my mental state is 'shakey' at best, now a days.
Ty
You're not required to visit her.
You're not required to read her emails or her texts.
Just because somebody is family does not mean they have to be in your life. Life is too short for that crap.
There are alternative solutions for these people. They do not have to continually rely on their family members.
You’re right. Life is too short to endure crap!
Not pleasant for anyone.
She NEEDED them. She decided she 'wasn't that kind of person' and refused any 'psycho drugs'.
She NEEDS them now, but the only thing they can get down her is Xanax, so at least there's that.
And no, a Dr won't prescribe something for someone, no matter their state of mind without counseling them about it.
And feel thankful that you can just hang up the phone.
If your mom is aware of what pills she takes, I doubt that you could get away with sneaking in a new pill.
How is Mom with the staff? If they have no problems with Mom, then its you.😂 She just wan't to aggravate you. Don't let her. This is who she is, just ignore. When you have had enough, leave. Be glad she is not living with you.
No. I don't think your mother's doctor can prescribe antidepressants for your other w/o her knowing.