My mother has dementia. And has been in a nursing home now since September. This particular home is run by strict Mennonite rules, one of which dresses only. They made and exception for my mother, who has only worn slacks for the past 70 years.
little by little, all her slacks come up missing. They are labeled, by the laundry, but strangely, they still come up missing. We rebuy, make mention, still, they come up missing. I didn’t want to put two and two together, but am beginning to wonder?? Maybe they are trying to make a point. I have rebought several pairs of slacks for her, and still, gone. Now the other day, she had absolutely NOTHING to wear. I understand that finally an aide went down to the laundry and found a pair of her slacks. When I arrived for a visit on Friday, she was wearing those “ found” green slacks. The only pair out of 8 we have purchased over the 4 months. I was shocked, and immediately drove over to Walmart and purchased 3 pairs of $10 pants for her to wear for back up snd alerted the head nurse to find her missing clothes. Today (Sunday) she was still wearing those green same pants from Thursday, as laundry had the three pairs I had purchased to “ label” them.
mom told my sister she had washed them by hand and hung them up to dry. ( no way). We inquired to find at least one pair of the three I bought and were given one pair, as while sister was visiting, mom had another blow out of diarrhea ( a common occurance with her) snd soiled her green slacks.
who knew the issues we would have would be with her clothing!!! If I lived closer, I would drive to the home daily and dress her myself. I visit on Tuesdays and Fridays, my sister once on the weekend. I’m thinking I should go more often to make sure she is changed of clothes at least every other day, snd grab her clothes before they go missing, and bring them home and launder them myself.
I should add that while I was taking care of her at home and while I was dealing with getting her Medicaid I suffered terrible anxiety, had to have doctors care, medication, and am just beginning to stop having chest pain. I can’t allow this to go on with the home and ruin my health.
Tuesday I will return to Walmart and buy 3 more pairs of $10 pants for mom. Goodwill is 8.00 if I can find her size. She won’t wear skirts, btw.
Hopefully you are happy with the other aspects of the facility. Between 2 facilities and SN division in one I can't recall ever seeing a resident in a dress. That seems very extreme and far from ideal for the resident.
That might just save you from the stress this is causing you and it will also save you lots of money, as those $10 pants being replaced every week or so adds up after a while.
And I read in your response below to MJ1929 that your mom is "a bit of an outcast" where she is and never joins in. Now while I understand that you're glad that your mom is out of your hair and that strings were pulled to get her in where she is now, wouldn't you rather your mom be happy and involved in the place she calls home? You may need to rethink your choice of moms care, and search out a place that will be more accommodating and that mom will feel more comfortable in.
I would also do her laundry. I used to put my Moms tops and slacks in sets on the same hanger. That way she matched. Check with the laundry to see what the turn around is. My Moms NH washed everyday, turn around was 3 days. For this I would have at least 7 outfits. 3 in the wash, 3 for the days in the wash and one extra. Actually once on schedule, an outfit should be coming back everyday.
It may be a home run by Mennonites but they probably except Medicaid and as such cannot tell a resident how to dress. They are also overseen by the government. This is now your Moms home and as such, they cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to. Idpf you get nowhere with the Administrator, call your State Ombudsman and see how they can help.
Take pictures of all clothing she has. Helped me in the laundry identifying Moms lost items.
another thing that really bothers me is she never ever has drinking water.
At home we always made sure mom had water to sip on beside her with her bendy straw. Now decided to start bringing her bottled water when we visit every other day. It never occurred to us that that would be our responsibility to make sure she was hydrated. I guess you could say they are short staffed due to Covid but we just never realized she wasn’t getting drinking water until my husband noticed. This is Medicaid run, I am forever grateful she has what she has.
but I’ll do everything I can to keep my 96 yr old MIL in her home unless me health fails again!
I think laundry is an issue in every facility that has more than 5 residents.
This probably going to keep happening, so I'd be looking for another place, plus I'd probably present them with a bill for stolen property on my way out the door.
I think I just have to swallow it and take it. And buy more $10 pants. I can’t move her, being that a family member is so involved in getting her in there in the first place.
its probably the best home in the county. Very highly thought of. But we aren’t Amish or Mennonite so mom is bit of an outcast in the home and never joins in. I’m uncomfortable with the entire situation but I better come to grips with it.
no real help either when she had these constant poo blowouts, I don’t know how she manages when I’m not there to clean her.
but thank you for your response, sometimes it just helps to blow off steam.