My nephew is 17 and will be a senior in high school. He met this other man who is 22 and will be a senior at college, at a local computer club this summer. Both of them are now hanging out on a regular basis at my father's house. My father is in his early 80's, lives alone and is frail. He loves my nephew and has no problem with his new friend being there.
However the two young men spent a lot of time in the basement, apparently doing internet stuff (I hope) and even stayed over one night. I think the age difference is too much at that age. I really don't want the guy staying over. Should I say something?
I really can't understand why you felt you needed to care for your Dad when brother had a handle on it. He had him going to an AL didn't he? A father who seems to have no respect for you.
I think you need dad more than the reverse on many levels. Because otherwise, you would have already occupied dads basement yourself.
This may be nothing at all other than two guys looking for a place to hang out and chill but it could also be that this friend is taking advantage of your nephew to gain access to your Dad's place.
Does your Dad ever go in the basement? Is he mobile enough? If not; that may be a concern because he can 'never check on them' and that may be what they are hoping for.
If your father has any banking information around; I would be very concerned that this 'new friend' might be trying to steal his banking information; or that they are doing something illegal in the basement.
I suggest you go downstairs when they aren't there and see if there is anything you can ascertain about their goings on - and maybe a 'drop in' when they are there just to get some idea of who this guy is.
If I sound paranoid, I am - there are so many scammers out there now and they prey on the elderly. My mom was a victim of a young couple that managed to win her over for a time (she was in her 70's and they were in their 30's). They met her at a coffee shop she frequented; and suffering from dementia; told them her family never visits (even though my brother saw her several times a week, and my other brother and I spoke to her regularly and visited often). After a while, they tried to get her to let them 'pick her up for dinner at her house'. My brother told her the only way they were taking her anywhere was if they met at his house and he could check them out; then I got the phone number they gave my mom; I called told them we would call the police if they contacted her ever again. Funny enough they were never heard from again; and my mom never saw them at the coffee house where they initially met.
Please be careful!!!
Aren't you tired of trolling? I mean honestly, it has to be exhausting for you.
If you actually have a nephew because everything you post is questionable, then I'm going to say mind your own business.
Who are you to talk about an age difference. When I was 17 I was dating my first husband who was 24. At that age I worked two jobs and also had my own transportation. I was not a typical teenage girl.
Your "nephew" and his 22 year-old friend could be in a gay relationship too, which also none of your business or anyone else's.
Maybe your father likes have them there. It's his house not yours.
He can have whoever he wants staying over. Maybe he doesn't want you there. Ever think of that?
If those guys are not being a bother to your father and he likes them, mind your own business and don't try to instigate some trouble which is what you do.
Just read your posts and comments and that's proof enough.
My 77 year old mom who lived alone was a victim of a scam some years back; and when the 'nice young couple' were confronted about their motives for befriending a woman 40 years their senior; they disappeared. My in-laws regularly get phone calls and e-mails from scammers - and but for family; they would have lost all their life savings long ago. Family takes care of family.
As to your mindset - having read a few of your posts and you seem like you have a lot of pent up anger at anyone who questions the motives/actions of caregivers; yet you call yourself 'burntcaregiver' which says a lot.
I think your entire family from you to brother to dad are a bunch of messed up people and all three of you should be institutionalized together.
But you are not the one who can "take the chance," right? You have no say. It's your (legally competent, right?) father's issue and your brother/wife's issue until your nephew turns 18. YOU HAVE NO SAY.
My question is, to whom?
You aren’t on speaking terms with your brother and his wife.
Your father is aware they are there, you say he does not mind, and you insist he’s of sound mind.
You have no proof that anything sexual or illegal is going on, either.
Another thing to worry about is that computer nerds can also get into a lot of trouble. Hacking is truly vicious, as well as illegal. Nothing consensual about hacking! You could talk to both of them about that!
A gaming PC? Bean bags & beer? Meth lab?
Id recommend not to go to your brother, which is what I sense you’re itching to do. Last I heard brother is still paying for the aides and what not, right?
I will not talk to my brother about this. It just appears to me that while my nephew and his friend have a common interest the age difference is in my opinion too much. It appears my nephew just might not know what the other man's intentions are. It could be that they just "clicked". I was over there and I heard them in the basement (it's nicely furnished) doing computer things, talking technical and laughing. On the other hand I don't want to take the chance of anything other than "good clean fun" happening at my father's house. My father is of sound mind but I think that mind may be far smaller than his heart.