My attorney filed the petition with the court yesterday for State appointed guardianship of my father. I’m feeling relived but at the same time sad and nervous about how all of this will go.
Just looking for some advice and support on how to handle this mentally.
There are moments when he’s lucid and I think I could’ve handled this and feel guilty. But then the paranoid delusions kick in, or I realize he can’t make a simple grocery list, or the fact that he has no health ins and I know it would’ve been too much for me.
He will not comprehend what is going on when his appointed attorney reaches out to him.
I know he will be asking me if they are going to lock him up (this is a constant fear of his lately) and I don’t even know what to say to him.
He’s going to be so confused and it makes me sad about this situation
I do realize he made all of the decisions in his life that put him in the position. But it’s still such a tough situation.
I’ve posted about this before. But in a nutshell, he was never in my life unless he needed something. He’s been very irresponsible. I’ve been trying to help him the past 2 years since I’ve noticed cognitive decline. Although he manages his ADLs well. He’s been diagnosed with dementia. He has moderate cognitive decline, paranoid delusions, and short term memory loss.
When my brother & I had to move our stepmother from AL to MC, we were second guessing ourselves, maybe we could have waited a little longer and so on.
Well, after it all shook down, we made the right decision for her, not us, her.
Take a deep breathe, feed yourself positives, you are doing what needs to be done...for him.
By the way, I came to my court date prepared with a legal-sized cardboard box FULL of evidence. The whole hearing took five minutes. There was no debate. There were no questions (beyond a couple of procedural quesitons). The judge looked at what the attorney ad litum had recommended about my mother (she was clearly not of a sound mind), looked at what two doctors had said about the dementia, and that was all the evidence she needed. The hearing was actually the easy part. It was what came next (the search for housing, dealing with social security, mom's behavioral problems when we got her into housing) that were the hard part.
One thing that helped me was a mantra to myself that I wasn't going to do anything that would 1) get ME in trouble with the law, 2) affect my marriage, 3) affect my health. I referred back to that mantra whenever I had doubts about something. It helped alleviate any guilt I was feeling about not doing enough, or not doing what certain relatives wanted me to do. Was it something that was going to affect my health/marriage/clean legal record? Then nope, I'm doing the best I can, and the person making demands of me could get back in line.
I also carved out time to do the things that brought me happiness (whether that was a walk in the park or a quick overnight trip or a nice dinner date). When I'd get too stressed out, I would imagine that I only have two years left to live—did I want to spend my last months being this stressed out over a person who had never done that much for me? That helped.
What else helped was finding ways to organize tasks for myself. Whenever things start to get so overwhelming that you just get paralyzed with indecision, try a new way of breaking tasks down and organizing it all. Everyone's different so find what works for you, whether that's a cork board covered with index cards, daily and weekly lists, software for organization, accountability partners, whatever clicks with you.
Hang in there.
This has been so stressful. The most stressful time of my life.
And yes, I have been preparing so much of what I consider evidence. It will be nice if I don’t have to present all of that.
This has consumed for the past couple of months. It’s been hard to focus on things and have any energy to take time for myself. What a big life lesson this is for me.
You say this man wasn't really a responsible father to you. He is now managing his own ADLS. You may not win this guardianship after he fights you in court, because the courts are loathe to take a citizen's rights from him. But if you DO win, I hope you have steps to take in your own mind. Because the word "guardianship" means nothing to him, and often not a whole lot to banks and SS and IRS and everyone else. You will be so busy filing papers and keeping files that you will be inundated. And all that beCAUSE? Because what?
I guess I will chalk this up to you are a MUCH better person than I am (as are so many others) but I personally would never have considered doing this for two seconds.
I sure wish you luck, Windy. I hope you will keep us updated as you move along. It will be an education in itself, this dealing with application for guardianship, and you will be our new expert in giving advice on how it is done, what it costs, and what the results are. My best out to you. Keeping you in my thoughts.
We have named the Department of Aging in the petition. We are asking the State to take guardianship of him.
I guess I could’ve walked away from all of this but it just didn’t set right with me. I knew he would end up in a horrible situation and I would be guilted in to coming to the rescue. I did not want that.
Yes, he is able to complete hygiene tasks, dress himself, eat, and walk.
He’s been evaluated 2 times in the past month.
He scored a 1 out of 5 on the mini cog test.
In the past 2 months, he has OD on meds twice, called 911 7 times for non emergency issues, last week he was in the ER bed and called the police because they didn’t give him anything to eat. He thinks his neighbor is breaking in his apartment and poisoning him so he throws away all of his food almost daily and god knows what else he is doing.
I pray the judge sees what is going on and makes the best decision.