You're new to this. I feel for you because you have no idea what you're in for. However, people on here are telling you, and I hope you heed their advice.
There is no way that any one normal human being can take care of two elderly women with the issues you've mentioned. NO WAY, unless you want to end up a broken, sick, exhausted, mentally unhinged and miserable old lady yourself. Also, any semblance of a good life that you had is now impossible as you wend your way through the convoluted passages of learning to be a caregiver.
Where will you dispose of the mountains of Depends? How will you keep one of them happy when the other is in her bed crying out for you? How will you keep them clean at the point where they won't bathe regularly or let you comb their hair because it hurts or start walking around with their Depends on their heads but naked the rest of the way down, as my friend's mom did? Are your grandkids expected to be around this? Are you counting on your kids to help, which usually lasts for a while but then they get tired of it?
You have much more to think about than waking up Aunt (and keeping her in supply of diapers, bed pads, peeing on your carpets, getting a rash, not cooperating when you want to change her, etc.). For your own sake, start visiting care homes where both of them can live when you've ripped all your own hair out and can't take it anymore.
My sympathies for this sad situation. Remember, you don't have to do it. They should have planned for this time in their lives, and just becasue they didn't doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself.
Wow….geez….I appreciate the concern but show a little compassion…you are awful judgy. Yes, I moved my mother and aunt in with me. Didn’t realize I needed to go into a long description of my/our situation.
I do have help. Lots of help. A nurse Monday thru Friday 8 to 5. My husband, my daughter who is a hospice nurse. Plus my other two adult children. A friend who is an elderly companion will also be helping. I have been taking care of them for years….just not in my house. They have had a nighttime nurse in their own house but their money is running out….so they are living with me. And actually my mother can take care of herself. She can’t drive, but she pays her bills and my aunts bills, she bathes herself etc. I don’t recall saying they were invalids.
I have also been given advice on the situation, and will take the advice I’ve been given into consideration. Just thought it never hurts to get more opinions.
So please be nice and maybe change your tone a bit….at least until you know the entire situation.
No. Put disposable briefs on them for nighttime. Consider outside help (that your Mom and Aunt pay for) or a facility for at least your Aunt since realistically caring for 2 very needy elders will burn you out. Good intentions are not going to spare you of it. Bless you for wanting to do it, but please count the cost (physically, emotionally, socially and financially).
BURNOUT IS REAL!! Take all the advice, think about it, absorb it, and navigate your adventure.. you can always change course or batten down the hatches when the seas get rough…
According to your profile: "I am caring for my mother Shirley, who is 85 years old, living in my home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, broken hip, depression, incontinence, and mobility problems."
How old is your aunt, and what are her health problems?
Why not let your aunt sleep, and YOU?
Are you now the 24/7/365 caregiver for two elderly women? How and why did this happen?
ABRIFORM. Most Absorbant. Disposal chucks in case they leak but these hold a good amount. Gave some to my friend, she just loved them!!! Have aunt go before bed. And then put these on. heavy duty.. put them on her.. not you.. gotta joke around a lil. Not sure what your schedule is like.. but taking care of two, by yourself? I hope you have help..,
Oh my goodness! Why would you allow these 2 women to move into your home? 1 is bad enough. Do you fully understand what you've now gotten yourself into? If not, you will soon enough. I'm hoping you have a plan B in place just in case, as you need to be taking care of yourself as you matter too in this equation. But since you've already gotten yourself into this extremely hard situation, I would say just let her sleep, so you can get your rest, otherwise you'll be burning out much quicker. But do make sure that she not only has a very absorbent overnight diaper on along with several waterproof pads underneath, and a waterproof mattress pad her to try and keep the bedding from being soaked. And then of course make sure in the morning that you're cleaning her up real good so she doesn't get any UTI's or skin irritations from the urine. But most importantly MAKE SURE YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!!!
Welcome, Leap. We can only go by what you tell us and your profile states that your mother has dementia, which is progressive and fatal. Although your mother can perform her ADLs now, that can change overnight.
Can you find out what the overnight caregiver was doing as far as toileting your aunt?
We like to say here that more information gets you better advice. Posting a more detailed description of the situation gets you more nuanced responses.
Although I suspect strongly that your including dementia in your mom's profile caused many of us to be wary of how this may work out long term.
What will you do when their money runs out? Have you consulted a certified Elder Law attorney?
Caregiving is hard and beautiful. I will paste bedpads that helped me. There are encouraging posts on Instagram as well. Despite the negative comments, it is a blessing what you are doing. GREEN LIFESTYLE Washable Underpads 6 Pack - Large Bed Pads, 34" x 36", for use as Incontinence Bed Pads, Reusable Pet Pads, Great for Dogs, Cats, Bunny, Seniors Bed Pad (Pack of 6 - 34x36) https://a.co/d/1d5XdU4
Also, follow @iamgertrudejordan in Instagram. I wish you well.
You sound like a wonderful person! But in all honesty you are going to need to assemble a "team". The "team" consists of the following: You check out both relatives medical insurances and find out what is available to them. You DO NOT sign anything.Most Medicare plans offer with the orders/scrip written by the Primary Care Physician (PCP) a CNA (for showering) Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Home Blood Draw and a Nurse. This is usually a temporary situation, however, the docs and the nurse who does the home assessment can renew.
Check out what is included from the Durable Medical Equipment--basically anything that is paid--railings around the toilet, in the shower, a shower chair, nozzle hose, etc. Do not use your own $$$. I learned this the hard way. What I know now I want to share with you. Get rid of step-in slippers, throw rugs, nightgowns. Make sure your loved ones have good shoes that fit properly. If it gets too much there are day respite programs. Find one in your neighborhood.
When I took Mom home and my siblings said they would pitch in and that lasted only a week I had to find a one morning a week day respite program. Your PCP can write orders, there is a fee but also a lot of grant money available too. Some offer transportation to and from--I drove my mother both ways. They offer a continental breakfast, hot lunch, exercise and with health insurance physical and speech therapy. In my case there was an RN on duty. I needed this timeslot of four hours per week to do errands knowing that my mother was safe. This place was on the water and the employees were all fabulous. Some had serious dementia, non-responsive, very sad but I had to do this for safety reasons.
Night lights in the bathroom and make a clear pathway in the household. In some States you if your loved one is on Medicaid the State will pay you as a Caregiver. You really need to consult a social worker. In my situation, I did NOT put my mother on Medicaid because it limits her if she should have to go to a facility.
Also, this important--if either person was married to a Veteran (during time of War) there is Aid & Attendance money. It is NOT a given and a lengthy process of about 40 pages of paper work. You would need discharge papers. Again, speak to an Elder Lawyer and a Social Worker. Others are right on the forum. Look around for "Plan B" what if an emergency turns up which they need 24-hour skilled care, basically a Nursing Home. I know it's hard but you have to this NOW when you don't need it. You can do a lot online.
Finally, go on the portal. You can read their bloodline, etc. You will have it even before the doctors. Find your happy place, an indoor pool, Church, exercise class. Bring in the Church people on a Sunday, have everything delivered you possible can and don't forget buy yourself a bottle of perfume and a chocolate bar!You are a great person...I hope I was of some help. God Bless You!
We use nighttime incontinence underwear with an extra pad that is designed to be used with the underwear and two reusable bed pads that I get on Amazon. The last thing we want to do is wake Mom up when she’s sleeping at night or get up ourselves to wake her up!
There is no way that any one normal human being can take care of two elderly women with the issues you've mentioned. NO WAY, unless you want to end up a broken, sick, exhausted, mentally unhinged and miserable old lady yourself. Also, any semblance of a good life that you had is now impossible as you wend your way through the convoluted passages of learning to be a caregiver.
Where will you dispose of the mountains of Depends? How will you keep one of them happy when the other is in her bed crying out for you? How will you keep them clean at the point where they won't bathe regularly or let you comb their hair because it hurts or start walking around with their Depends on their heads but naked the rest of the way down, as my friend's mom did? Are your grandkids expected to be around this? Are you counting on your kids to help, which usually lasts for a while but then they get tired of it?
You have much more to think about than waking up Aunt (and keeping her in supply of diapers, bed pads, peeing on your carpets, getting a rash, not cooperating when you want to change her, etc.). For your own sake, start visiting care homes where both of them can live when you've ripped all your own hair out and can't take it anymore.
My sympathies for this sad situation. Remember, you don't have to do it. They should have planned for this time in their lives, and just becasue they didn't doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself.
I do have help. Lots of help. A nurse Monday thru Friday 8 to 5. My husband, my daughter who is a hospice nurse. Plus my other two adult children. A friend who is an elderly companion will also be helping. I have been taking care of them for years….just not in my house. They have had a nighttime nurse in their own house but their money is running out….so they are living with me. And actually my mother can take care of herself. She can’t drive, but she pays her bills and my aunts bills, she bathes herself etc. I don’t recall saying they were invalids.
I have also been given advice on the situation, and will take the advice I’ve been given into consideration. Just thought it never hurts to get more opinions.
So please be nice and maybe change your tone a bit….at least until you know the entire situation.
Take all the advice, think about it, absorb it, and navigate your adventure..
you can always change course or batten down the hatches when the seas get rough…
How old is your aunt, and what are her health problems?
Why not let your aunt sleep, and YOU?
Are you now the 24/7/365 caregiver for two elderly women? How and why did this happen?
ABRIFORM. Most Absorbant. Disposal chucks in case they leak but these hold a good amount. Gave some to my friend, she just loved them!!!
Have aunt go before bed. And then put these on. heavy duty.. put them on her.. not you.. gotta joke around a lil.
Not sure what your schedule is like.. but taking care of two, by yourself? I hope you have help..,
If not, you will soon enough. I'm hoping you have a plan B in place just in case, as you need to be taking care of yourself as you matter too in this equation.
But since you've already gotten yourself into this extremely hard situation, I would say just let her sleep, so you can get your rest, otherwise you'll be burning out much quicker.
But do make sure that she not only has a very absorbent overnight diaper on along with several waterproof pads underneath, and a waterproof mattress pad her to try and keep the bedding from being soaked.
And then of course make sure in the morning that you're cleaning her up real good so she doesn't get any UTI's or skin irritations from the urine.
But most importantly MAKE SURE YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!!!
Can you find out what the overnight caregiver was doing as far as toileting your aunt?
We like to say here that more information gets you better advice. Posting a more detailed description of the situation gets you more nuanced responses.
Although I suspect strongly that your including dementia in your mom's profile caused many of us to be wary of how this may work out long term.
What will you do when their money runs out? Have you consulted a certified Elder Law attorney?
GREEN LIFESTYLE Washable Underpads 6 Pack - Large Bed Pads, 34" x 36", for use as Incontinence Bed Pads, Reusable Pet Pads, Great for Dogs, Cats, Bunny, Seniors Bed Pad (Pack of 6 - 34x36) https://a.co/d/1d5XdU4
Also, follow @iamgertrudejordan in Instagram. I wish you well.
You sound like a wonderful person! But in all honesty you are going to need to assemble a "team". The "team" consists of the following: You check out both relatives medical insurances and find out what is available to them. You DO NOT sign anything.Most Medicare plans offer with the orders/scrip written by the Primary Care Physician (PCP) a CNA (for showering) Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Home Blood Draw and a Nurse. This is usually a temporary situation, however, the docs and the nurse who does the home assessment can renew.
Check out what is included from the Durable Medical Equipment--basically anything that is paid--railings around the toilet, in the shower, a shower chair, nozzle hose, etc. Do not use your own $$$. I learned this the hard way. What I know now I want to share with you. Get rid of step-in slippers, throw rugs, nightgowns. Make sure your loved ones have good shoes that fit properly. If it gets too much there are day respite programs. Find one in your neighborhood.
When I took Mom home and my siblings said they would pitch in and that lasted only a week I had to find a one morning a week day respite program. Your PCP can write orders, there is a fee but also a lot of grant money available too. Some offer transportation to and from--I drove my mother both ways. They offer a continental breakfast, hot lunch, exercise and with health insurance physical and speech therapy. In my case there was an RN on duty. I needed this timeslot of four hours per week to do errands knowing that my mother was safe. This place was on the water and the employees were all fabulous. Some had serious dementia, non-responsive, very sad but I had to do this for safety reasons.
Night lights in the bathroom and make a clear pathway in the household. In some States you if your loved one is on Medicaid the State will pay you as a Caregiver. You really need to consult a social worker. In my situation, I did NOT put my mother on Medicaid because it limits her if she should have to go to a facility.
Also, this important--if either person was married to a Veteran (during time of War) there is Aid & Attendance money. It is NOT a given and a lengthy process of about 40 pages of paper work. You would need discharge papers. Again, speak to an Elder Lawyer and a Social Worker. Others are right on the forum. Look around for "Plan B" what if an emergency turns up which they need 24-hour skilled care, basically a Nursing Home. I know it's hard but you have to this NOW when you don't need it. You can do a lot online.
Finally, go on the portal. You can read their bloodline, etc. You will have it even before the doctors. Find your happy place, an indoor pool, Church, exercise class. Bring in the Church people on a Sunday, have everything delivered you possible can and don't forget buy yourself a bottle of perfume and a chocolate bar!You are a great person...I hope I was of some help. God Bless You!
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