My mother spends her days trying to find things in my house to destroy. It is relentless, all day long. If I try to stop her from breaking something or tearing something up she punches, slaps, kicks, puts her hands around my neck, knocks my phone from my hand, bites .... whatever she can do, and then later accuses me of being the one who caused it. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm under siege in my own home. She goes from door to door banging and kicking, gets in the oven, the fridge, the countertop, the bookcase, the entertainment center, the blinds on the windows, you name it, one after the other, over and over and over. One time today when I took something from her she literally growled at me. She cries, she screams, ..... when she was on the geriatric psych floor they said she bit them and would throw herself on the floor like a 2 year old having a tantrum. And yet I can't get any doctor to medicate her correctly. Her neurologist and two hospital doctors said it's psychosis and not just dementia. The psychiatrist at the hospital er says it's neurological and there's nothing more they can do on the geriatric psych floor so they won't admit her. Her GP doesn't like to give the type of meds she needs and wants a psychiatrist to prescribe them. He sent her back to the hospital, they gave her a shot and sent her home. Every doctor kicks it down the road. I have appointments for her with another psychiatrist and one with an elder care center to see if I can get help there. I'm so exhausted. I just don't want to do it anymore
I know that this sounds heartless. But stepping back may be the only way to get her the help she deserves.
I think that you may have to do this so that she can get the care she needs. It's just atrocious that no doctors are helping her.
You matter as well and you are out of your depth. Time for the hard choices.
I pray that you find a way to do this.
Great big warm hug!
And your mother is only 75?! How many years will this go on????
PLEASE PLEASE read and heed the excellent advice already given. You do NOT have to continue to put up with this nightmarish situation! It's clear that everyone, include the medical professionals, expects you to "put up and shut up." I hate that!
Are you the only one with POA, HCPOA? (I'm assuming you have those?)
I worry for your health -- physical, mental and emotional. You are a prisoner to your mother's illness. Keep posting here, and we will encourage you to remove yourself from this situation (remove your mother from your home).
Something needs to be done ASAP. How long has this been going on? She's got some serious issues that these doctors need to address! You can NOT live like this. She's going to seriously hurt you or herself.
If it were me, I'd call 911 next time she threatens you or is getting physical with you. This is abusive and her meds need some serious adjustment! I would say that I am scared of her. And once she leaves, I would refuse to allow her back home. If she is in a facility, I bet they will figure out the med situation VERY quickly.
Be careful and take care of yourself.
Your problems may be totally different from what I went through but I understand exactly how you feel. Could she have some underling cause like urinary tract infection?
What I discovered at that time when I desperately needed help, there was none. Nursing homes knew he was combative and would not take him. I never thought this could happen but it did. I thought they had staff that could handle these situations. I was forced to get Hospice in. Various types of medications did not help. In the end I had to call 911 and he was taken to the hospital where he was medicated and never seemed alert again before everything failed and he passed.
It was a true nightmare for me. I can only imagine what he went through but I didn't know what else to do.
I am sorry if this answer doesn't help but I just related to the experiences you are having and how you're feeling. I read a few comments questioning what you meant by wanting out. If you haven't been there like I was, you probably aren't able to understand the desperation in your post. I guess that is really all I wanted to convey to you.
May God be with you in this. Amen
I feel your pain.
im going to give you the nuclear option no one discusses but is the only answer when your own life is being destroyed.
The next time she goes to the hospital, don’t pick her up.
Talk to a social worker at the hospital and explain that you’re not safe in your house with her and that she needs to be institutionalized due to her psychosis.
I’m angry on your behalf that she’s been bounced back to you like that. Your own life is being destroyed and that’s wrong.
The hospital probably won’t be thrilled, but too bad. It’s unconscionable that the medical community has not helped you.
But you need to stand firm and demand that they find her an appropriate placement, not with you anymore.
I hope this helps you. I know everything about this hurts and your life has come to a full stop. But even though this may seem drastic, I think it may be your only option.
Best of luck and hugs.
Good Luck!
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