LoveMom, my own Mom did the same thing wanted to visit the immediate family. I had to start using "therapeutic fibs" which did work for my Mom. For example, my Mom [98] would say she wanted to visit with her parents. I would answer "they are visiting the old country" something my grandparents would do, thus it was acceptable to my Mom.
I had quickly find "fibs" that would work when my Mom wanted to visit her sisters, all of whom passed. I would say "Grace is working overtime today", "Betty is on an outing with the Daughters of Isabella", "Ethel has company", etc.
My Mom thought her long-term-care room was in a motel. She use to get upset with my Dad as she thought he took the bus to go sightseeing without waiting for her. Poor Dad, but he did understand that Mom's brain was confused.
When a person suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's says they want to go home, they are generally telling you they are in need of comfort (versus wanting to physically 'go home'). Here is some info on the subject from Alzheimers.org
It is not uncommon for a person with dementia in residential care to say they want to go home. This can be distressing for everyone. Below are a few considerations on what to say to someone in this situation who wants to go home. 1. Avoid arguing about whether they are already ‘home' For a person with dementia, the term 'home' may describe something more than the place they currently live. Often when a person with dementia asks to go home it refers to the sense of home rather than home itself. ‘Home’ may represent memories of a time or place that was comfortable and secure and where they felt relaxed and happier. It could also be an indefinable place that may not physically exist. It’s best not to disagree with the person or try to reason with them about wanting to go home. Try this instead: Try to understand and acknowledge the feelings behind the wish to go home. Find out where 'home' is for them - it might not be the last place they lived. It could be where they lived before moving recently or it could be somewhere from their distant past. Often people with dementia describe 'home' as a pleasant, peaceful or idyllic place where they were happy. They could be encouraged to talk about why they were happy there. This can give an idea as to what they might need to feel better. 2. Reassure them of their safety The desire to go home is probably the same desire anyone would have if we found ourselves in a strange and unreasonable place. Try this instead: Reassure the person verbally, and possibly with arm touches or hand-holding if this feels appropriate. Let the person know that they are safe. It may help to provide reassurance that the person is still cared about. They may be living somewhere different from where they lived before, and need to know they’re cared for. What not to say to somebody with dementia
Advice A poor choice of language can be both hurtful and frustrating. Here we look at some words and questions to avoid using.29 August 2017 165 3. Try diverting the conversation Keep a photograph album handy. Sometimes looking at pictures from their past and being given the chance to reminisce will ease feelings of anxiety. It might be best to avoid asking questions about the picture or the past, instead trying to make comments: 'That looks like Uncle Fred. Granny told me about the time he....' Alternatively, you could try diverting them with food, music, or other activities, such as a walk. 4. Establish whether or not they are feeling unhappy or lonely A person with dementia may want to 'go home' because of feelings of anxiety, insecurity, depression or fear. Is the person with dementia happy or unhappy now? If they are unhappy, it may be possible to discover why. If they cannot tell you why, perhaps a member of the staff or another resident knows why. Like other people, someone with dementia may act out of character to the people closest to them as a result of a bad mood or bad day. Does the person with dementia keep talking about going home when people are not visiting them in the care home? Does he or she seem to have settled otherwise? The staff in the home may know.
5. Keep a log of when they are asking to go home Certain times of the day might be worse than others. What seems to be the common denominator about these times? Is it near meal times (and would a snack perhaps help)? Is it during times when the environment is noisier than usual? Is it later in the day and possibly due to ‘sundowning’? If you see a pattern, you can take steps to lessen or avoid some of the triggers.
If you feel the problem is due to sundowning, Google "tips for sundowning" and lots of info will come up.
I had quickly find "fibs" that would work when my Mom wanted to visit her sisters, all of whom passed. I would say "Grace is working overtime today", "Betty is on an outing with the Daughters of Isabella", "Ethel has company", etc.
My Mom thought her long-term-care room was in a motel. She use to get upset with my Dad as she thought he took the bus to go sightseeing without waiting for her. Poor Dad, but he did understand that Mom's brain was confused.
Here is some info on the subject from Alzheimers.org
It is not uncommon for a person with dementia in residential care to say they want to go home. This can be distressing for everyone. Below are a few considerations on what to say to someone in this situation who wants to go home.
1. Avoid arguing about whether they are already ‘home'
For a person with dementia, the term 'home' may describe something more than the place they currently live. Often when a person with dementia asks to go home it refers to the sense of home rather than home itself.
‘Home’ may represent memories of a time or place that was comfortable and secure and where they felt relaxed and happier. It could also be an indefinable place that may not physically exist.
It’s best not to disagree with the person or try to reason with them about wanting to go home.
Try this instead:
Try to understand and acknowledge the feelings behind the wish to go home. Find out where 'home' is for them - it might not be the last place they lived. It could be where they lived before moving recently or it could be somewhere from their distant past.
Often people with dementia describe 'home' as a pleasant, peaceful or idyllic place where they were happy. They could be encouraged to talk about why they were happy there. This can give an idea as to what they might need to feel better.
2. Reassure them of their safety
The desire to go home is probably the same desire anyone would have if we found ourselves in a strange and unreasonable place.
Try this instead:
Reassure the person verbally, and possibly with arm touches or hand-holding if this feels appropriate. Let the person know that they are safe.
It may help to provide reassurance that the person is still cared about. They may be living somewhere different from where they lived before, and need to know they’re cared for.
What not to say to somebody with dementia
Advice
A poor choice of language can be both hurtful and frustrating. Here we look at some words and questions to avoid using.29 August 2017
165
3. Try diverting the conversation
Keep a photograph album handy. Sometimes looking at pictures from their past and being given the chance to reminisce will ease feelings of anxiety. It might be best to avoid asking questions about the picture or the past, instead trying to make comments: 'That looks like Uncle Fred. Granny told me about the time he....'
Alternatively, you could try diverting them with food, music, or other activities, such as a walk.
4. Establish whether or not they are feeling unhappy or lonely
A person with dementia may want to 'go home' because of feelings of anxiety, insecurity, depression or fear.
Is the person with dementia happy or unhappy now? If they are unhappy, it may be possible to discover why. If they cannot tell you why, perhaps a member of the staff or another resident knows why.
Like other people, someone with dementia may act out of character to the people closest to them as a result of a bad mood or bad day.
Does the person with dementia keep talking about going home when people are not visiting them in the care home? Does he or she seem to have settled otherwise? The staff in the home may know.
5. Keep a log of when they are asking to go home
Certain times of the day might be worse than others. What seems to be the common denominator about these times? Is it near meal times (and would a snack perhaps help)? Is it during times when the environment is noisier than usual? Is it later in the day and possibly due to ‘sundowning’?
If you see a pattern, you can take steps to lessen or avoid some of the triggers.
If you feel the problem is due to sundowning, Google "tips for sundowning" and lots of info will come up.
Wishing you the best of luck