Hi, here's the situation. My mom's vascular dementia has been progressing. Some days very alert, some days not. We have pictures of family on the walls. Some days when I visit she is very confused and keeps asking me who those babies are on the wall. My two brothers and I, our baby pictures from when we were born are on the wall. Sometimes she obsesses over trying to figure out who the people are, even she herself. The next visit she's very glad to look at them and say hey there's me and my husband. Is there a right or wrong? Should we not have too many reminders in the room so that she can go into her own world, so to speak, or do we keep her in ours with all the reminders. I just want to do what's best for her. So many things with this disease are hard to decide. Thanks for any help!
Walking through the memory care unit at my mother's respite care home, I met a lady who was clutching one of those multi-print frames with lots of pictures of people in it, ranging from infants to middle aged adults. She was keen to tell me who they all were, and was very certain about three or four of them, but with others she was asking me who they were. It didn't matter: I just said what a lovely family she had, and how thoughtful of them to put the group together in one frame like that for her to keep with her. Then she wandered happily off to tell a member of staff about them. I have no idea who she thought I was.
If your mother gets distressed about particular pictures, quietly remove them. Otherwise let them stay, and answer any questions simply, no matter how much your heart might sink at what she seems to have lost. E.g. do say "that's John, your husband, on your silver wedding anniversary." Do not say "don't you know?! That's your husband! You remember him, don't you?"
I would leave them up at least for now. If your mom gets to a point where she's obsessing on the pictures you can try removing them but if she is still getting pleasure from them keep them up for now.
And you're right. It's difficult to decide what to do. What's the right decision for our loved one? It's trial and error. What works for one person may not work for someone else. But as long as you have your mom's best interests at heart you'll be OK.