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My 89 y/o mother was admitted to hospice transition on September 28. I saw a quick decline from when she was in her chair watching TV to when she became bedridden. She is experiencing pain from muscle atrophy when the nurses adjust her to keep her from getting bedsores.


I spoke with the hospice nurse today and he said my mother was eating small bites of chicken and drinking Ensure. This will obviously keep her alive but she is in so much pain and anxiety (both of which have been addressed with medication). This is just such a miserable life for her. I've given her permission to pass but her body is obviously in control. The Chaplain was with her today, praying and playing hymns.


I've asked the question before, but how long can she linger before she finally has peace?

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I wrote this on one of your comments on another thread, so forgive the repeat --

My mother was on hospice from January 1 this year through July 26 when she finally died. She lived almost exclusively on Ensure that entire time.

She also developed terrible gout from drinking Ensure, because that stuff has a TON of sugar in it. Make sure the hospice folks monitor that, and it might already be part of her pain issues. Get them to put her on the diabetic version of Ensure and have the nurse evaluate her for gout. If she has it, they'll give her the medication to fix it. (Are her hands, feet, ankles, elbows, or knees red and swollen? That's gout.)

I'm sorry this is taking so long. Sometimes people think that by the time you get to hospice, the person is going to die quickly, and it isn't always the case. Eventually you need to try to relax and let the hospice people tell you when they're seeing changes that indicate she's transitioning. In the case of my mother, about three days before she died she just started looking like a completely different person. She never looked like her father to me, but all of a sudden I thought, "huh, she looks more like him than I realized." It was because her face was beginning to sink, and my grandfather's face was very angular while my mother was chubby-cheeked. Her cheeks lost their chubbiness almost overnight.

My brother and I then stayed with her all day for the next three days, and she passed in the night after we left that last time.
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My husband was completely bedridden and under hospice care for 22 months before his body finally gave out. And that was after several different times when hospice told me that his end was near, so don't try and rush her death, but instead just enjoy whatever time the Good Lord gives you with with her.
As your mother gets closer to dying she will no longer want any food or drink, as her digestive system will start to shut down and it can be quite painful when trying to eat or drink, so just let your mother be your guide.
When God is ready for her to go home, He will take her, and not one minute sooner. so just continue to be there for her, and make sure you leave nothing left unsaid. God bless you.
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You are right when you say her body is in control. She will go when it's time. No one knows when that time is except God.

You are in my prayers!
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Dseag, this is so tough. There is no predicting, I've discovered, both from my own parents' and other elders' deaths and from reading peoples' experiences here.

One thing I can tell you is that my mom's vital signs were fine about 20 minutes before she passed. When the nurse cheerily told me that, I thought I might choke her: watching my mom suffer was so awful. So don't go by vitals.

We played mom's favorite music-- Broadway, American Songbook, stuff from her childhood and opera. It seemed to help some.

((((((Hugs)))))). There are no words.
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