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A living will seemed like the right choice for my mom at the time, now wonder if it is the best thing that could have been done?


I was renting from my mom and also helping supplement her aide care. She became too ill with dementia 6 months ago and is now in a nursing home. I am now left with caring for an old 4 bedroom house in a not so desirable part of a small rustbelt city. My best option would be to downsize and sell to help fund her nursing home care.


Speaking with her attorney, I am stuck living in the house and paying upkeep bills and taxes and cannot afford to move to something more my needs as I would be stuck paying for 2 living spaces until she passes. No, God I am not wishing for her to pass, but in a predicament paying and living in a house way too large for my needs. I am on Disability and paying for the house is going to start being a burden quickly. When I was paying rent to her and splitting some of the maintenance costs, it was somewhat bearable. Now, going it alone has me very worried. I am on the deed as a part owner so, stuck with my share of things.


My days and nights are filled with worries on what is next. Even on Medicaid, she still has to pay over $3000 each month to the nursing home, which leaves her about $50 each week for incidentals. I never tap into that money and she still receives my rent money each month to cover my portion of bills. Soon, I will start paying utilities and taxes fully on my own as it is not fair to mom I am asking her to pay for somewhere she is not using anything.


Just wonder if I am alone in this situation? I find it hard to believe I am given the number of parents with dementia are out there. My sister who lives 1000 miles away and offers no help but criticism has the simple answer of "sign the house over to the state", when behind the scenes it is not all that easy.


Any thoughts would be appreciated.


In a pickle in Binghamton, NY

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Someone posted the www.silvernest.com site yesterday which is apparently for seniors who wish to room together. Not certain if a senior the right choice for you as you do not for certain need something else to care for and worry over, but what about a roommate. This would bring in some extra cash. I would take the documents to another attorney other than your Mom's and I think you need financial POA as you are currently handling all things financial anyway; this may involve guardianship if Mom is not currently able to make the decision to appoint you. I KNOW you need advice. The marrying yourself onto the deed might be a good thing, might be bad, but I would be the last to know. I understand about the awake with worries. I do it re: my brother and his life, and re what is coming in my own and my spouse. But I would get an hour of advice from YOUR OWN elder law attorney. Unless you are already her POA I do not think that you could sell the house, but in California, if ONE home owner wants property sold then it must be done. And that COULD be an option, as your Mom's portion of the money would go to her care, and you would have your portion to buy your own home, even if a manufactured home in a park. I think what you need is solid advice from real estate and estate attorneys who know exactly what you have, and what yours and Mom's best options are. Good luck and hope you will update us with advice through experience when you get it.
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Ernie, instead of speaking with Mom's attorney, I would make an appointment to speak with an "Elder Law attorney" who specializes in situations such as these and knows their way around Medicaid. The attorney could give you recommendations on what to do next.

So sorry you are in this situation. It is not unusual for grown children all the sudden need to pay to maintain the family home when a parent going into a Nursing Home using Medicaid.

Does Mom have a Power of Attorney? If yes, with the approval of the Elder Law Attorney maybe you can sell the house, get your share of the equity since you are on the Deed, and the rest of the equity will be used to pay for Mom's care until it runs out, then Medicaid will be reinstated. Like I said, check the Elder Law Attorney before you do anything.
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