Logistics with Mom. Any advice?
Hospice is coming over Friday to talk to us about their services. In the meantime, mom is alert, eating, not needing any diuretics at all (from heavy doses up until three weeks ago). Her oxygen level is low 80's, blood pressure 160/60 or so. From 115/60 being about her norm. She no longer has any desire to get out of bed. I get her up quite late, just because I know it's better for her, and it's hard to just leave her alone in her room. She can't support her weight. I just don't understand it.
I can't figure out a way to get her on the potty. She can't use one of those transfer boards...no strength. She won't even put her feet down on the floor to try for us to lift her to a standing position.
Tom can easily transfer her from bed to wheelchair and back. MAYBE potty when she has to take a BM, if she tells us. (Which, I think she will.) But I'm having one heck of a time putting a diaper on her. She can roll far over on one side, but can't roll on the other. The hospital bed seems too narrow, and she doesn't seem to have the strength to do it on her own. I try to help, but she says it hurts her.
I'm ready to put her in a nursing home so she can have her diapers changed, for heaven's sake. Does anyone have any ideas?? What am I doing wrong?
18 Answers
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My Mom will not get out of bed after two falls. She is 94, almost blind and very frail-but very healthy. She is so afraid of falling she remains prone 24/7.
It is a nightmare. I have hospice now. They have helped a lot. They send a home health aid to bathe Mom and change Mom's bed twice a week, they even shampoo her hair while she is laying down! They ordered a porta potty and Mom needs assistance transferring to go (when she remembers to call us).
It's tough. It's inconvenient, it's a nightmare, really. I now have a caregiver that comes from 7-1 daily to feed Mom and help her with the potty.
I bought washable bed pads from Amazon. They protect the bed- since mom refuses to wear diapers. Did I mention that she is still cognizant and adamant about what she will and will not do?
T.M.I.- sorry. A porta potty, washable bed pads, and hospice may save you from putting your Mom in a home. My thoughts and prayers are with you! My husband and I are at the end of our ropes- but Mom is so afraid of strangers, and can't see- that a home is not an option. At this rate she may outlive me, but I love her too much to just "put her in a home". Good luck, take care of yourself.
If you intend to keep mom at home, you may well need to hire a full time home health aide, and lots of medical equipment. You have a hospital bed and yes they are not comfortable and they are narrow. I would get a sheet across the bed which if you and Tom are on opposite sides of the bed, can us to pull your mother up in the bed (flatten the hospital bed during this procedure so you can move easily move her up).
I would get a bedside commode but get one with a drop down arm if you need to lift her on and off it. This eliminates trying to lift her over the arm to sit her on the commode.
The transfer benches come in different types but my father also could normally only use them in the morning and then he lacked the strength to use it from about noon on each day.
I purchased 2 lifts. Voyager lifts worked well for my day. It has a battery pack and with a sling properly in place you can move them from bed to wheelchair and back with little chance of injury to you or your parent. There are manual lifts but I used the Voyager the most.
The use of depends if mom can lift herself in bed almost any depends will work.
If you need to do everything then you need to roll her on the new diaper, and then roll her the other way (she can hold on to the bedrail to assist with the diaper change). Ask the nurse for some brands of preparations to use on her skin to keep it from breaking down.
If your mom is going to rally she'll do it on hospice or not on hospice. (My mom was discharged from hospice after 3 months.) Putting her on hospice won't prevent improvement if it is within her to improve.
Hugs to you, tough compassionate lady!
Thank you for your very specific suggestions!! Very helpful!
Mom's oxygen was at 88 this morning. I put her on oxygen (2) and she's at 98. I'm just going to leave it on her. I was able to change her Depends this morning without too much of a problem. I suppose to some it sounds ridiculous. You've gotta' be there. ;) Anyhow, she was able to bend her knees and lift her butt up so I could get them on pretty easily. When you're dealing with a 115# sack of potatoes, it's harder than it sounds. Ha!
I'm feeling better this morning. When a problem rears it's ugly head in the evening, it seems like a bigger one than it actually is.
I shouldn't have called off Hospice last week. Stupid. But Friday will tell the tale. Frankly? I don't know if she's ready. Even the doctor doesn't understand why she no longer needs diuretics. ??
Taking the advice of not getting mom up unless she asks. Maybe for a little while at dinner...?
Jeannette, I didn't think a thing about your post. Your post echoed my incredulity that THAT would force mom into a nursing home. Plus, of course, those who dish it out have to be able to take it. ;) ;)
I truly hope hospice is able to offer some help/assistance to you, Tom and mom to make this a little easier on everyone.
I respect your choice to keep your mom at home when she can barely be transferred. My dad did that thing with his feet too, hold them up while being transferred while I was screeching, "Put your feet down!" Oy.
There is a way to transfer her but it's haaaaaaaaard on the body. You'll need a gait belt. It's hard to describe but hospice will know. You get your mom into a sitting position with her feet on the floor (even if she won't stand on her feet). With a gait belt on you reach around your mom and put your arms around her at a little below the shoulder blades. And then YOU bend at the knees and lift her up and pivot your feet while holding your mom and transfer her onto the toilet or into the chair or wherever. You have to be caddy-cornered to where you're transferring her to. The transfer is one fluid motion. You're not so much picking her up as you are enabling her to lean against you after you've gotten her up.
IMPORTANT: Use your knees. Bend at the waist while picking her up. This will catch up to you physically but it's better than your back going out.
When hospice comes out they're going to suggest a catheter. That will make things easier.
If her O2 is in the 80s, by the way, I wouldn't be too disciplinarian about getting her out of bed. Yes, true, better for her in general, but there has to be a point. Make life as easy as you can on both of you. I remember that guilty feeling of having shut them in a cupboard from last year's strokes - mother was sleeping 20 hours a day, at one point. Does your mother like being read to? You could maybe keep her company in short bursts, instead?
Oh Maggie.... sorry if I read this wrong.... Can Tom change a depend:?