I am 34, my moms 62 so I am not her caregiver so to speak. She's living with me and my DH & my 3 yo son as she and dad have separated. It's a long story but I basically feel like my life is falling apart, like I have no control over anything anymore. I am having depressed episodes, anxiety, illness. Can it be from the stress of having her living here? Anyone else in this position? I also feel guilty for not wanting her here.
Give her a date that she must find a place of her own and stick to it. Help her if you must (or let your other siblings do that part). You're NOT responsible for your mom's health and happiness - that's HER job. So let her get working to fix her own life. You have other priorities - your husband and son.
I moved my mom in with us for 28 months and it was extremely stressful. And I don't have kids. I did end up with a very sick dog and it was difficult to juggle the many balls in my life along with the care of a mother who did absolutely nothing to improve herself or her life. She is way more capable than she acts and I finally snapped.
Does your mother currently work or have any kind of life independent from you? With the divorce, is her ex-husband paying any alimony? Do all you can to encourage your mother to live on her own, especially if she is healthy. You are experiencing extremely normal reactions to a very difficult situation.
Good luck.
So, yes, I certainly think that's the case. For me, the only way I deal with all this is to manage the situation. Is she permanently with you or is this a stop gap? Either way, think about what you can do to make your situation better.
If she's there just temporarily, do what you can to help her find a place and feel safe in it (so that she can be gone). If she's staying, think about what the real problems are and find a way to talk through some options with her (so that the situation doesn't eventually drive you 100% over the brink).
And, at 62, unless she has health issues, if you don't want her there, she probably needs to get her own place. But if she feels too alone, maybe it could be closeby.
I am always the one that my mom puts upon even though I have two sisters & a brother! They never seem to have to take the flack or help her out the way I do! You're right about guilt too - a useless emotion, that I have decided to do away with. My mother is moving out soon to live alone and it can't come quick enough for me! I can't wait to have my home & my life back :) thanks for your comment, nice to know I'm not the only
One who feels used and abused by the one person that's suppose to really love you!