How can I make my parents feel more at home rather than feeling like they are a bother? My parents who are in their late 70's had to move in with me and my family because their home was destroyed in a tornado a couple of years back. Since they didn't have homeowners insurance they can't afford another place to live. We were able to convert the back of our house into a small aprtment for them. They still have to share a bathroom with the rest of our family, but we are hoping to add one for them eventually . Now that my Dad has had quadruple bypass surgery and my Mom has her own health issues, I really don't want them living anywhere else. Other than their health issues that have come upon them from getting older they do not act elderly. It has been an adjustment for all of us because we are now a 2 family household. My Dad seems to be alright with their situation especially when he is able to go to the shop and work on his hobbies, but my Mom still complains of not having enough storage space for her stuff and has told me several times that she still feels homeless. She will also clean my part of the house while I'm at work because she feels like she needs to be doing something since I have to go to work. I do let her know that I appreciate her doing this, and I have told her she does not have to clean my house. I have even tried to stay ahead of her in the cleaning process to no avail, we simply have different techniques. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't tell others outside of our family that she doesn't know what I would do without her. I know that they both feel that they were forced into this situation, but it was definetly not something planned and it was the best solution that we could come up with. I would just like to know if there is anything else i could be doing or even that I'm not the only one in this type of situation.
Second, if they get pension or SS checks, let them pay you some amount monthly. That is good for their dignity and pride. You can put it aside toward adding a bathroom.
Third, brag up your parents' contributions. Mom says you couldn't get along without her? Agree with her! Your friends will know the real message (or you can tell them privately) and who cares what strangers think?
It is natural that you feel a little displaced. But your situation is secure. It is your house. You can afford to let Mom and Dad feel like they are helping out, even when, in fact, they are a bother! You love them, you want them there, so let them take pride in what they can do. While Dad is puttering in the workshop, could you ask him to make a long shelf for your cookbooks? Could you leave instructions for Mom to get dinner started before you get home for work?