Many comments about finding a nice assisted living, but how to pay?

The way I look at it - my mom is in AL until she runs out of money. Then she'll have to move to a nursing home that takes medicaid. It stinks, but that's the way it's going to have to go.

I just read that Herman Wouk, the writer, lived to almost 104. These “super-agers” are getting more and more common, so don’t go private-pay with your two. Counting on their dying before their funds run out is a dangerous game. You should definitely find a place that Medicaid will pay for. If the facility meets your criterion of “nice,” that is good, of course, but the main thing to remember is: don’t spend your own money on them, unless you are super-rich. You could well survive until past 100, yourself.

Sandy, call the county counsel on aging and request a needs assessment for both parents. This way you start by knowing what level of care they need and proceed from there. Looking into ALs only to find out they are the highest level of care and that adds another 4 grand monthly to the bill would be devastating for you.

I, highly recommend, board and care homes. Fewer residents, better caregiver to resident ratio and way less money. Make sure they accept residents/patients through end of life with hospice, not all do.

Then go back to work to ensure your future and be their daughter and advocate.

Back when it was possible to buy a house with a low down payment, people knew that if they bought a house, it should be paid for before their old age. Then sell the house to pay for their care. At the time, there weren’t the nice retirement communities with continuum of care that we have now, though there certainly places where people retired.

Where I grew up, retirees often lived in small rental units behind a main house. They’d sell their bigger house to live on the money from the house sale and move into a one-bedroom efficiency. These small units provided income for the home owner and inexpensive living for the tenants. People didn’t live to be 100 then, making it necessary for someone to take care of them. They’d die around mid seventies or so. No hospice. It was off to the hospital and you never saw them again.

Those who have been able to buy and pay for a home are still better off than those who didn’t. Unfortunately we now have their overentitled adult children who don’t want to sell the family home to pay for parents’ care. Yikes! Their parents’ home was supposed to be their long-term care insurance. So there are many in their 70s and 80s taking care of nonagenarians and centenarians, and they don’t want to “put them in a home.”

Yikes again, but this ensures that this site will flourish for a long long time as those caregivers age 70s and 80s try to figure out what the bell happened to their own lives when they were just trying to do the “right thing.”

I feel you, there ARE a lot of people here who are blithely, throwing around that they put their parents in assisted, living, memory care, yada yada yada. The truth is, many many elders are not going to be able to afford the nicer facilities. And oh, by the way, once they decline enough, they’re alll going to end up in a skilled nursing home anyway, with all that money down the tubes. I think we should all be fighting for better Medicaid senior facilities. It shouldn’t just be the wealthy who get good care. If your parents do get Medicaid and into a Medicaid facility, cause a ruckus and push in any direction you can to have the facilities , be adequate. Write your Congress people, make a nuisance of yourself! That’s the only way to get anything done.

Find an Assisted Living facility that also takes Medicaid. They private pay until their funds run out, then Medicaid kicks in if they're approved.

Normally, the rent for AL is not doubled for 2 people in one apartment. It's $3500 for the first resident, and less than half that for the second.

If the folks have too many health issues, AL may not accept them and Skilled Nursing care would be your only option. Private pay till funds are exhausted, then Medicaid kicks in along with most of their Social Security.

Speak to an elder care attorney about the details of qualifying for Medicaid, should the need arise. 18 months is quite a bit of time at 90 and 97.

The AL my mother is in charges $4,500 per month if she were to share a room the other one would pay 750 a month not $4,500.

I would run them out of money in AL and then apply for Medicaid, to go to a nursing home.

You should pay nothing.

In most states, Medicaid pays for LTC (if they qualify financially and medically) but rules vary by state and there is a "loopback" period anywhere from 2.5 to 5 years so how their money is managed will be critical when reviewed by Medicaid.

Other options would be to consider faith-based facilities. My MIL is in one owned by Presbyterian Homes. She's in LTC on Medicaid.. Her invoice is a little over $2,800 a month, in a private room. She gets excellent care and is not Presbyterian (and it usually doesn't matter to these types of facilities since they see it as a mission, not a business).

I would definitely consult with a Medicaid Planner for your parents' home state so that you know exactly what can be expected.

For recommendations of facilities, join Nextdoor.com, which is a non-anonymous intranet of your actual neighbors and near communities.

Eldercare in this country is a nightmare, unless you are very wealthy. That's just a sad fact. It is not impossible, but it is very challenging. One of the best things we did with my mother over many years of caring for at home and in an assisted living environment was to hire eldercare consultants. This is a field I would never have known existed, frankly. A good eldercare consultant can help you find care options, including full nursing and assisted living, and help you figure out the finances of affording them. Often the best option is Medicare-accepting facilities--not all are. And, yes, as someone here says, the Medicare thing is not for the faint of heart, but it is possible...just a lot of paperwork.

Depending on where you live, some AL and MC facilities take medicaid, but you have to apply well before the money runs out, paying for at least 6 months. Where my mom was, they told me she'd have to move to a smaller room in MC if she had to have medicaid, but she could stay. She didn't need that, but I thought it very helpful to let you know that these places exist. AL or MC would be nicer than nursing home if they don't need a of medical care, but at 97, perhaps nursing home will eventually be needed.