I feel so guilty defeated alone responsible my mom left my abusive dad after 30 years and came to live with us in December 2023 but she was so heartbroken she started to push everyone away and eventually even I had to cut ties with her a couple months later in May 2024 I hadn't talked to her up until then she blocked me took me off everything. I always thought about her and assumed we would make up in the future it was just for now but on July 18 I got multiple missed calls and texts she was in the ICU she had severe pneumonia, 3 blood clots in her leg, 1 blood clot in her lungs, low blood pressure, low calcium, endocarditis (infected heart) and was septic by the time I got to see her in the hospital she was completely sedated and on the breathing tube. I got into the room and I asked the nurse if she could hear me, she said honestly she doesn't know. I picked up my phone to call my brother when I spoke, she turned her head and her eyes opened. She was reaching towards me and that continued for 30 minutes until she eventually passed from cardiac arrest. I don't even know how to feel. Did she wait for me? The doctors said they couldn't believe she was still alive with everything she had. He said she should have passed a month ago. Did she know I was there? Did she know I loved her and the second I found out I came? Did she really see me or was that just a figment of my imagination? I just want her to know loved her so much. I thought we would eventually make up. I thought she would meet my children. I always loved her.
It may be helpful now to write your mom a letter saying everything you wished you could have before she died, so you can move forward in a healthy manner without any unnecessary guilt. And it wouldn't hurt to seek out a grief therapist or Grief Share in your city to help you through the grieving process.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.