Follow
Share

The elder is my aunt around 70 yrs old. Who has been living with us since about a year before covid. We've contacted her doctor and even had a mental health car come to visit but no actions were taken. She's wearing her clothes backward. Blaming everyone in the household that we are out to get her. Even put disturbing notes on her wall and door saying if she dies my mom was the one who did it and a whole bunch of cursed things. She's been putting a whole bunch of religious things all over her door and inside her room (she's christian but I don't know if she really is a normal christian as its very cult like with what she does). She has OCD where she washes her hands a lot till its broken up and dry. She blames all of her shortcomings on my mother. I have brought it up to her doctor and they referred her to someone but she chooses to ignore it and doesn't even speak with her doctor anymore. I called the mental health car and they can't do anything either since she doesn't meet their criteria plus she owns a small share of the home that my grandma left her. She's always mumbling to herself about people in the home trying to kill her and it can start at anytime. The disturbing things she says can last till she falls asleep like 2 or 3am of saying the same thing to herself for hours. She does the same during the day but not as intense. It has taken a toll on the entire family. There is no way to reason with her we've tried many approaches. The only way she zips it is when we confront her in a aggressive way. She can still walk and eat but does not leave the house much. She believes that theres poison in her things or "itchy" powder in her clothes as of recent. She has tantrums and stomps her feet especially on the staircases. We as a family have been dealing with her verbal abuse by just ignoring it but this leads to bottled up feelings and its just not healthy. I myself have a therapist from school but its just super frustrating at home. I honestly don't know what her diagnosis would be as she doesn't have memory loss either.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
ExhaustedPerson, please move out. Unfortunately, you probably will have to go into 'self preservation' mode and save yourself. I feel sad for your aunt, but I also worry that she could become dangerous to you all. Put yourself first since no one else is and get out. Move into a dorm or in with a friend.
I don't know anything about the mental health system in Canada, but it sounds like it is just as bad as here in the US. Which means, they won't do anything until it becomes a life or death crisis then they 'band-aid' it and send the person back on the streets, etc.
Save yourself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Exhausted, sometimes you just can't help people who won't help themselves. Your aunt just can't, she is mentally ill, has dementia, or both. And your parents....won't. You have bent over backwards trying to help but as none of this is your responsibility you just don't have any rights to force anything. That's a let down and a pain in the rear but it's also your freedom. It sounds like you already have plans to move out and hallelujah for that. All that can happen by you continuing to stay is worse mental health for you. Please help the only person you really have the power to help: yourself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sounds like some form of schizophrenia to me. Not that I'm qualified to give an opinion.

Look at it this way: your poor aunt. Imagine what it's like to be living in her head, it must be torment. There's no better reason for the people around her to want change and seek help.

But what puzzles me is why it's you talking to the doctor and calling the mental health team, and not your mother or other householder. And besides, why did your aunt come to live with your family before Covid? Are you sure there haven't been a lot of things going on over many years that nobody's talking about?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You are in school?
Who are the responsible adults in your household? They need to step up here & get help for this lady.

"We've contacted her doctor and even had a mental health car come to visit but no actions were taken".

It may be that only the most serious of serious cases are admitted via that mobile emergency triage system eg acute self-harm or harm to others. (That's how it works where I live).

Regardless, the lady sounds very mentally unwell & a mental health inpatient stay seems appropriate for a thorough assessment for starters.

Has your family called her Doctor again to discuss?

Get another plan going?
Eg Visit to Doctor, then drive directly on to appropriate hospital with referral letter in hand.

Would your Aunt willingly visit the Doctor in person?

If safety due to behavioural reasons is a concern, the Doctor can arrange ambulance transport instead.

Don't overlook this point!
Paranoid/impulsive/irratic behaviour can lead people to open doors in a moving vehicle, remove seatbelt or grab at the steering wheel.

Keep pushing to get a plan for medical help.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
ExhaustedPerson Aug 2022
I appreciate your reply and advice. My mom isn't as fluent in English and my dad just sucks tbh. I've told him so many times stuff needs to get done and he yells back at me like I should be doing it all. ITS HIS SISTER. I wished that they could be more helpful. I'm the only one who has taken action with contacting someone for help. I've asked for extended family for help like the aunt's sisters and they come off like they don't give a **** when its their own sister. I honestly think her doctor is just useless. I wrote an entire incident report with pictures of all the concerning issues and disturbing things I've seen and the reception didn't even take it. When the medical car came the nurse literally said they wouldn't take her unless harm is done. The psyc nurse assessed her as delusional and that was it they even said if they took her to the hospital they'd send her back home. (I'm from Canada btw) They said it was old age and that its just how it is and we just have to deal with it until something unfortunate happens is when they'd take her. I'm just very disappointed when they said that. I'm the youngest in the family (have an older brother who doesn't care either) and I personally am more sensitive to my surroundings. I just feel hopeless at this point like its not my responsibility to be doing this when I'm trying to work on myself. I constantly don't feel safe when I'm home. I'm going to try one more push before I leave for my clinical practicum but I won't have any expectations.
(0)
Report
Read a bit about schizophrenia with paranoia:

https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/schizophrenia-paranoia

This may give you a better frame for how to approach the folks who might be able to help her.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This seems like a form of mental illness. Some of these actions are very dementia-like. She may have
memory loss - her actions show that she’s (probably) forgotten appropriate behavior. You say you called mental health care and they can’t do anything because she owns property, etc. In the USA, she’s on Medicare at age 70. She is entitled to an annual wellness check and at that time doctor does a cognitive evaluation. You and your family have to figure out how to accomplish that. This is horrible for all of you and you need to get the health care community involved right now. Don’t wait until she hurts herself or someone else. So sorry.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That's not dementia or memory loss -- she's mentally ill.

It sounds like you might not be in the US, but here we have what's called a "5150 Hold" where you could call the police and report her as a danger to herself and request a 5150 Hold. They would take her to the hospital and hold her for 72 hours to do a complete mental health evaluation. During that time, she'd be seen by psychiatrists, receive medication, and the family would decide what to do next.

Ask your parents if there is something like that where you are. You should not be subjected to living with that kind of instability at home when you're still in school.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter