My MIL is so afraid she will step on my foot when I'm moving her she almost makes us both fall. And she has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and tries to "help" but ends up making more work. I have calmly and sweetly tried to change these. But her dementia makes it a daily maddening chore. I am wife to her only child who can't handle any of this. So it's me 24/7 caring for her in her home. I've not slept in my own bed in a month.
(What's HE doing in the meantime????)
You do not have to live with her, there are other options available.
Reread the above paragraph to see what's wrong with this picture. Then have a Come to Jesus meeting with your husband, who, in reality, CAN handle ALL of this with HIS mother. Make a decision as to where your MIL is going to move, and when, and then get yourself back into your own bed and have a good night's sleep. Okay?
It's hubby's turn to take the bull by the horns and get mother placed.
Wishing you all the best of luck
Two benefits - immediate advice on what YOU need to be doing for safety and hopefully better approach to what you AND SHE need to do, and MORE IMPORTANT-
-a trained and an experienced opinion about her present circumstances. If she is not “safe and comfortable” in your care, and if YOUR life is being negatively impacted in your reluctant role as a caregiver, it’s definitely time to start seeking alternatives.
I slept on the floor beside my mother’s bed for two months following her discharge from rehab. Doing so is far past above and beyond....
Someplace in my reading was a statement that people with dementia take longer to process a question or direction, as much as 40 seconds. The more words we use the longer it may take to process. So one of the best things we can do when working with a dementia patient is get into a habit of waiting for a response instead of repeating or going on to say something more. I found with my mother a "script" of short directions used uniformly helps with our transfers. Stay on the script even when your MIL is making all the right steps. It seems to help with the timing and offset my mother from making those "helping" steps that don't really help.
I suggest seeing if her PCP would order some in home OT to work with the two of you on safe techniques. The OT can recommend equipment, like a specific kind of walker or wheelchair, or make adjustments to customize equipment to work best for your MIL. We were surprised with how much easier my mother found walking after the PT tech adjusted her walker.
Long term, why is she living at home alone? Is anything in her condition likely to improve? If not, I would get some home health aides over ASAP to assist with her care.
Longer term, start looking into a nursing home unless enough at home care can be arranged to give you back at least most of your life.
It's unfortunate that your husband will not help. What's up with that? If he really can't, ok. But maybe he can put his fear aside and help you help HIS mom.
Bed alarm last night, so far so good. But the cat woke me up at 4am!
If she needs more help than a Gait Belt ask about getting a Sit to Stand.
Very easy piece of equipment to use and it helps with transfers. I even used it to help my Husband in an upright position to change him, I did not have to worry about him loosing his balance and the changes were fast and easy.
I could easily move him from chair to bed, from one chair to another.
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