My Mom's always scared. What can I do?
She is also anxious and depressed, and the meds aren't helping yet. I can't leave her alone, either. When I ask what the fear is, she says that "something bad is going to happen". As for leaving her alone to get groceries or just a break, she's terrified to be left alone. We tried a Sr Companion, but Mom was very uncomfortable with her and doesn't want to continue. My sibs are very little help, as most of them are out of state, or always "busy". I just went through 7 weeks of daily radiation treatments for breast cancer and she came with me every day. She is legally blind and says that each day it gets a little worse. My 2 sisters are coming for 5 days in July, and I can't even begin to figure out what I might do to take advantage of the free time. I want to get away completely, but it's too expensive. I'm depressed and anxious myself, sole caregiver for almost 9 years, not ready to give up yet, but something's got to give. Any advice?
If she is particularly nervous I assure her she is fine, I will not be gone long, and let it go at that.The more you cater to ungrounded fear the more valid it becomes to your client whether human or animal.
Try telling her that 'Worry is fantasy and if you're going to have fantasy's, have good ones".
Worry achieves nothing but anxiety on the part of the worrier. High Blood Pressure, Headaches, etc. Perhaps some breathing exercises for her or some soothing meditative music?
How about a 'worry jar' where she can write down her worries for the day and just place then in the jar. Once those are in the jar, she can't worry about them anymore.
I know this all sounds silly but I can tell you that it's annoying when a person is caring for a worrier.
Try Roberta Shapiro's meditation CDs. They are great. I have a CD player in my room and listen to them at night while I fall asleep. I've also had them on in my mom's room ... just her voice is calming even if you don't listen to it, but the advice is great, background music is great, etc.
It's hard.
My mother stayed with me for about 4 months when my father went south for the winter, and she also was afraid to be alone. Eventually I realized it was because she was recovering from a broken foot and would not be able to get out of the house by herself in the event of an emergency. The fear of being trapped and alone was real for her, and very frightening.
Perhaps you could ask your mother what she feels might happen, then take precautions in the event something like that does occur...update the smoke alarms, get a CO2 detector, medical alert, things like that.
I wouldn't give up on the companion idea though. Keep trying.
If you have a pet, use it as therapy to calm her when she's anxious. Music theapy is also helpful.
Plan your 5 days of respite. Perhaps include ONE occasion when you all together (if you enjoy your sisters in small doses) but make sure everyone knows that you have other things planned. You do not have to reveal the the other things are sitting on the deck with a cool beverage and a good book. :D
Keep us informed about Mom's anxiety. And good luck!