Mom's in assisted living and other than being in a wheelchair she's quite mobile getting around on her own...they recently moved her to a table for 2..there was a man there but he didn't like the location so they moved him to an aisle (we've been asking to move Mom to an aisle for the ease of getting in and out. Mom been here for 4 years and this man for 3 weeks. We've discussed this with the director and when I asked why HE was moved and not Mom ...he couldn't discuss it (??)..I explained it's not healthy for her to be alone at a table.she feels shes being punished...they said she's there so she can get in and out on her own...we've asked several times to move her (plenty of open seats available) and nothing has been done...do I contact an ombudsman for this...will I make it more difficult for Mom if I do?At this point, she's depressed and not happy and wants to look around for other places. Some emply seats are being held for people in hospitals or rehab...I understand this but there are others available. doesn't seem like there's much compassion. I told them it's not healthy for her to sit and eat alone...very frustrating...Is the ombudsman or elder affairs in order?
As far as making things difficult with Mom, this better not. After all, if you call the Ombudsman over something like this then if her treatment gets worse the staff must realize you will be all over them for that.
Plus, the reason for the call is because the staff "wouldn't discuss it with you". Well, if that's the case then the staff needs to discuss it with the Ombudsman.
It sounds as though there is more going on here than your mom has made you aware of, I would suggest you speak candidly with the social worker or director at the facility.
I always seem to have good results when I email the head nurse asking who to speak to about a problem. Less threatening than a formal letter, but still in writing.
She could be doing something that annoys others.
don't burn your bridges until you have another way...
i find putting things in writing to the admins's or don is more helpful and i do so a conversation or request
find all the benefits of eating with others for elders, i recall seeing lots of articles on this topic.
is there one more person you can discuss this with at the facility? if not, go to the ombudsman who is suppose to advocate for the resident..i would have benefits of eating with others in hand along with the drawbacks cons of elders eating alone
the ombudsman has no power to make changes and only acts as a mediator unless there is some legal, health, abuse violation. NH and other facilities arent generally pleased when the ombudsman is called in..although the facility will not be thrilled, i don't believe they would start hurting your mom over this..
this is a tough one...
please let us know how it turns out...fingers crossed.
Mealtimes are important community times. For some, it's the only meaningful social time of the day. Seating your mom somewhere unsuitable just because it's easier for her to get in and out of her seat is silly. She should sit with someone whose company she enjoys and who enjoys her company (there are politics in AL and, I agree, it's a bit like junior high!). If she needs assistance getting into and out of her seat, so be it. That's the kind of support Al is meant to provide.
But first, before committing to the upset and hassles of a move, dig deeper for a solution if you're largely satisfied with the place. If she's been there for four years and this is the worst issue you've had, I'd work at making it work.
If the AL has a problem, you'll see it. If it's a simple misunderstanding, having family presence there in support of your Mom may do the trick. If the facility employees are jerks and mean: Move your Mom immediately and report them. Make a formal complaint after your Mom is out.
I think abuse at facilities occur when the no-one stands for the victims until it's too late. I'm not saying the AL is abusive... just that this seems very odd and could be an omen of bigger issues.
Note: My Mom and several others usually remained in their wheelchairs during group meals (when she was in rehab). I wonder why they are transferring her to a chair? The wheelchair moves right up to the table and it's easier for the patient to move themselves if they want to leave.
Further note: I once went to visit my Mom while she was in rehab. I noticed a lady sitting alone at a table for 4. I lifted my brow at the attendant and glanced at the woman that ate alone. The attendant whispered that the woman did not like company during her meals but preferred not to eat in her room. Every time I was present during meals in the subsequent two weeks, this lady sat alone. I don't know if it really was her preference or the staff had an issue with her.
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