Mom's recent behavior has been angry and aggressive and she often refuses to take her medicine. She demands that my brother or I come to her home when she has to take her medicine (5 X a day) or she says she is scared she will choke on the medicine. (which is her anxiety)- recent behaviors involve her saying the aides "are out to get her" and "people live in the walls". She often asks when she will die and what will happen when she dies. We get constant calls from the aides to help calm mom down.
All advice is welcomed and appreciated. I am drained, exhausted and worn out from it.
Please get her evaluated by her primary care doctor. Her doctor may make referrals to a neurologist (to evaluate and treat dementia) and/or a geriatric psychiatrist (to evaluate and treat mental health issues).
Medications can be given as pills, patches, liquids, and injectables. I don't recommend the last form. Pills and liquids may be put into other foods and drinks. As an RN, I have used pudding and applesauce with most medications for folks with swallowing issues. Her doctor can prescribe medications that are chewable or that may be crushed. Either you or your brother must give her the medications since aides are not allowed to give medications in most states.
A doctor can prescribe an anti-anxiety medication to calm her anxiety, anger and agitation. If this doesn't work, she may need a short stay in a geriatric inpatient psychiatric unit for evaluations and treatment. She should then be less anxious and "act out" less.
You need to know if some of the drugs are slow release. Crush them up, and you give a very large immediate dose – not good! On the other hand, if she is taking the same drug 5 times a day, there may be a slow release option with fewer pills.
Crushing appropriate pills may stop her ‘choking’ worries. I crunch mine down in my mouth in the night, as a whole swallowed pill gives me oesophagal spasm (heartburn?). Sip of water to follow.
Demanding a visit 5x a day means that the aides aren’t providing what you are paying them for. Are you sure that this isn’t just a new habit that gets you and your brother paying much more attention? The crazy statements might just be deliberate parts of the same thing. Game playing can sometimes be part of unreasonable demands.
A UTI check and a base line assessment are a very good idea. If mother is degenerating quickly, so is planning for the short term future. This clearly can’t go on even at this level, and accepting a new plan may help the way you feel. Best wishes, Margaret
Maybe that would be easier for your Mother too.
If she believes her aides are out to get her and that there's people living in the walls, she is not in her right mind. I hope she is not ever left alone.
It's not realistic for you or your brother to go to her house five times a day to give her all the medications. You can ask her doctors if her meds come in liquid form or if they can be crushed up and put into food. I don't think this will solve your bigger problem which is your mother is not in her right mind. She is also aggressive and violent with her aides.
It's time for you and your brother to put her into a care facility for her safety.
-Are all the meds taken necessary
-Have him/her check her for dementia and if necessary referred
-Find out which meds can be crushed
-Have her checked for UTI
-Let her Doc know of her anxiety of swallowing and chocking - maybe a mild antianxiety prescription can administered to take the edge off.
It may be time for mom to be moved to an appropriate facility. They are used to dealing with all manner of behavior. You and your brother should be planning for mom's future and not be forced to make a quick decision. If the behavior is new and not due to an UTI, mom may be devolving further into dementia.
Do your best too reassure her that she is fine. As far as death - is she afraid to die - or ready to die? If she is afraid, use her belief system to reassure her. Dad had been ready to die for a couple of years before he did - He was always asking when he would die - He'd ask his doc, he'd ask me - and who knows who else he asked. The doc told him that was up to God - My answer was pretty much the same - but another time I added maybe he hadn't completed his work here on work. He was truly afraid his heart would not stop - or that God had forgotten him and left him behind.
As far as what happens at death - I have no answers - knowing my "smart mouth" and if it were my father asking me - I'd tell him it was a mystery of life and if he got there before me, to come back and tell me all about it.
Good luck to your entire family.
Find out which meds you can mix into applesauce, yogurt or something mom likes. Then she doesn't get slammed several times a day trying to swallow pills.
As for when she dies - try any kind of comforting words. You'll get to see so-and-so again. Or, don't you feel good when you take a nap - it's like a nap.
I agree, does Mom really need all her meds. Or, do they need to be taken 5x a day.
Best of luck!
You don't mention her age and so it's hard to give you advice without knowing her age and health conditions.