We are lucky enough to have in home care for Mom but the problem is she doesn’t remember that they are there, sitting in the other room. I wake up to multiple messages from her saying the aide left early or never showed up (which I know is not the case). What, if anything, can I do so that Mom knows there is always someone there to help her? By the way, she still argues with me constantly that she doesn’t need 24 hour care but all the messages I have from her clearly show otherwise. Any ideas on how to get her to stop arguing about that? She’s so angry that we are “making her” have someone there all the time but clearly it is the right call.
I suggest you have the care givers stay in the same room with your mother. Either that, or have them go into the room she's in every 10 minutes to see to her needs and as a reminder they're still there, and that she's not alone. Have them ask her what she needs, if she's hungry, needs to use the bathroom/have a Depends change, etc. Make sure they're bringing her fresh water and/or beverages as well since the elderly get dehydrated in a NY minute.
If the in-home help does not work out, then it is time to look into Memory Care homes for your mother. It's actually a less expensive alternative to round the clock in home care and also gets you to stop listening to all the arguing and complaining. Plus, she'll get plenty of activities to keep her amused and others to interact with every day, in addition to hot meals & snacks.
Wishing you the very best of luck.
They need to have a comfortable place near your mom where they can interact with her so that may be what is missing.
Or maybe mom should have a comfortable spot where the caretakers are and get some relief from being isolated.
It makes no sense to be paying someone who is out of sight, out of mind. Are they not even mindful of your mother’s calls to you? That’s also the point for being there, to enable you to do what you need free of worry about your mom. Instead they’ve created a new point for arguing.
Good luck,
charlotte
Second.
Why are the caregivers sitting in another room? If they are supposed to help her they should be with her. If she is sleeping someone should be checking on her every once in a while so when she awakes they can get her up. If she is sitting in her room, they should be checking on her and trying to engage her as much as possible. They should be talking to her, popping in to check on her, encouraging her to come to the kitchen for tea or coffee a bit of a snack.
It sounds like you need to have a talk with the caregivers. Make the house an active one make a bit of noise, run the vacuum, the laundry make sure mom knows they are there.
She actually may be ready for memory care.
that being said, mom would still call-sometimes all night long-help I need help there’s no one here with me.
things we tried:
leaving notes in critical areas (next to phone, in kitchen, etc) reminding her that there are people there she can ask for help. It might be even more helpful to put a sticky note on the phone itself so she sees it before she calls,
we also disconnected the phone next to her bed and “lied” and told her there was a Verizon issue-so she couldn’t call. The aide still had her phone plus the other phones were working just fine.
we also shut our own ringers at night so even if she called it wouldn’t wake us up. Sometimes we would just block her number overnight so the aide and anyone else could still get thru.
begging and pleading and arguing that we all needed our sleep otherwise we could lose our jobs got nowhere-so we had to become more “resourceful”.
First, when she calls and says that the caregivers left, is she scared, confused, anxious? Because, sometimes, with dementia, their mind is changing and things can be scary. They need constant support and reassurance that things are okay. So, having someone nearby for comfort can be good. I'd discuss this concern with the caregivers. They should be trained in working with people with dementia. And, they should not be leaving her alone in a room. She could fall, ingest something harmful, get sick, leave the house, etc. So, if they are properly trained, they'd know how to properly supervise and comfort her. I'd put it in writing as to what is expected of them.
I'd also discuss it with her doctor to see if she needs meds for anxiety. My LO took a small dose daily med for anxiety and depression. It helped her worry less.
Sometimes, the complaining about not needing help will pass with time. But, if not, it's just something to be tolerated. I don't know of any way to make a person with dementia get it. Reality is just not something they can handle much of the time and they may never agree that they need help, no matter how dire the situation.
Oh, I'd also make sure that the caregivers are NOT leaving early, like she says. lol
MOM-if you need anything there is a house helper in the other room, just call out and they will be here. (Or get her a bell to ring)
Your house help people are here to:
1.
2.
3.
(list out their responsibilities)
If you feel ill, let them know and they’ll help you or call me.
if you run out of things tell them and they’ll get a list together for me.
also list upcoming appointments and activities for the day/week.
this helped my FIL a lot. We even have reminders of MIL’s care/condition.
Mirrors that reflect other rooms or the outside are actually quite helpful in making people feel not so shut in on their own.
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