Mom is 90. For the last several years, her language skills have deteriorated. She gets very frustrated when she is trying to say something but isn’t able to retrieve the word she wants. She says, “I can SEE the word in my head, but I can’t SAY it.” Or she’ll suddenly stop in mid-sentence and say “I can’t remember what I was saying.” She is unable to count money, understand a bank statement, or calculate any sort of numerical issue. I am financial POA and handle all that stuff. She said to me yesterday that she doesn’t want to chat with anyone because her word-finding and memory lapses will make them think she is “retarded” (her word) and she’s embarrassed. Any thoughts on how I can talk to her about this? When we chat, should I supply words she is groping for if I know what it is? She is very aware of her deficits, and it upsets her. Anything I can suggest or say to her to to try to take the sting out of her discomfort, or what she imagines people are thinking about her? She tends to want to isolate, but when she has a pleasant social encounter, it seems to brighten her noticeably… even though she has ALWAYS assumed everyone around her despises her and thinks she is stupid (she is NOT), the aphasia issues make her even more nervous. Experience / suggestions welcomed… thank you!
I didn’t know there were many different types and things to do that might help and that each persons experience would be different.
My niece’s DH was diagnosed with a glioblastoma two years ago. The act that triggered her to take him to the ER after he returned from his daily 40 mi bike ride, was that he couldn’t tell her his birthday. She knew something was off and started asking him a few questions. He answered all other questions correctly. At the time he was diagnosed he was the CFO of a major company that required him to commute long distances. He just happened to be home that weekend and didn’t seem quite himself to his wife.
At some point during his cancer treatment a speech therapist worked with him and he found it very helpful.
So brain tumors can cause aphasia as can strokes. MRIs and CT scans can tell if that is the cause.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/aphasia/symptoms-causes/syc-20369518
My sister has a long time acquaintance from church who can no longer speak. One would think he had dementia but he does not. He has aphasia. His wife is usually with him but he carries a card for those moments when she is not, the card explains aphasia and that he can hear and understand what others are saying.
I found this article on the Mayo site very informative. We hear so much about dementia and are so afraid of it that sometimes we assume that is what the problem is when it’s not. It can be but not always.
https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/how-to-improve-communication-with-a-loved-one-who-has-aphasia/
This link leads to an article that explains what mom can do with your help and what you can do when she struggles.
Your mom might benefit from seeing a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP). Sometimes called a speech therapist.
https://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/aphasia/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/aphasia/symptoms-causes/syc-20369518
I even learned in one of these articles that the dementia meds (like Namenda) is believed by some to help with aphasia. I made a decision to take my DH aunt off of Namenda three years ago at 95. At that time she clearly had dementia, was bed bound but did not have aphasia. she had been on it for years. Now at 98 she has mostly given up speech. Two years ago she could still quip little expressions in French and German as well as speak clearly in English. She still speaks short sentences on rare occasions.
Thank you for asking your question. I learn so much researching what others bring to the forum.
And if you know the word she's searching for by all means help her out.
My late husband had aphasia since having a massive stroke at the age of 48 and it continued until his death at 72.
He too would get very frustrated if he couldn't find the word he was trying to say and I would help him whenever I could. Most times I got it right and sometimes I didn't, and he just had to be ok with that.
It's hard I know, and dementia sucks...so just know that as your moms dementia progresses that her aphasia will be the least of her worries.
For my own brother he delighted in just talking about his losses and how difficult and how scary and how he saw the world so differently. That he was glad to know WHY he saw the world differently from what it is and how others see it, but that it was hard and he hoped the Grim Reaper showed up before it got worse.
Just be sure not to wave away or negate her truth. This is hard for her. She is losing things she prided herself on. Tell her people, when they speak to you, only speak of her enormous courage.
These losses are such tough stuff. Just try to remember you haven't the power to fix this, and standing witness to it is a crucible in itself. You aren't responsible. Nothing here is in your power. Practice the Serenity Prayer with her. Discuss it's meaning. Just love on her? What else is to be done, after all?
My brother's friend David went completely aphasic and was so for years before he died. It was awful to see. He had been so social.